Welcome to the JeremyBear.com Mailbox!

Here's a little something new and special just for you, faithful one. At JeremyBear.com, we try to attend to the whimsy of our readers/viewers, so we'll periodically post fan mail (or even hate mail from time to time) and answer your questions as best we know how! Because you demanded it! Here we go!

Jon Schweitzer of Morrisville, NC writes:

...I'm taking a few courses at NCState so I can get my dang pedigree. It'll probably take a couple years, but I just want to get that thing over and done with. Get this, the two courses I'm taking are both online courses, and one of them is Golf. That's right, I'm taking an online Golf course through the University, and I don't know what the world is coming to...

...I incessantly check your blog -- it's an addiction on both ends. Know that if you misrepresent the words of Schwyzen, tragedy shall befall the theatre of your life...

Thanks, Jon, for the update. For those who don't know, Jon has been a dear friend since high-school and he even agreed to be my Best Man a couple years back. He and his wife, April, are pig farmers near Raleigh and Jon recently underwent a complicated plastic surgery procedure to have an unsightly, wine-colored birthmark removed from his right thigh. Although the abnormality was THE SPITTING IMAGE OF THE VIRGIN MARY, he decided that, all the same, he'd rather have done with it, much to the chagrin of several Catholics in his community. Get well soon, Jon!

Stuart Gilchrist of Pink Falls, TN writes:

...your dumb.
i tiped in this web adress and swa this stupid web site.
why do you think your so cool your not cool, your conceited.
nobodey cares about blogger and the scripts make no since.
thanks for makeing me laugh at your crapy art.......... it sux!!!!!
hahaha bye loser...

And goodbye to you, Stu! While your complaints were rather stringent, I have to confess I see your point. From here on out, I shall purpose to up the quality of the art and produce scripts that are more accessible to the layman. Thanks for the concern.

At JeremyBear.com, we strive to appeal to even the lowest common denominator. Apparently, we've failed dismally. Onward!

Cheryl Gunderson of Boise, ID writes:

...Love the website. Nothing turns me on like a talented guy with an online journal. Ever since I found your work through a search engine, you've been on my mind. Are you as cute in person as you sound? And when do you think you'll be in Boise next, stud-monkey? Let me know...

PS: What do you look like? Is it anything like the charicature on your homepage?

Ho, ho, ho! Easy there, chiquita! This hombre's married! I appreciate the compliments, but I only have eyes for one woman and that's my dear wife Carey.

Since you asked, however: I'm just shy of 6'1", blue eyes, bleached hair. My wardrobe is awkward and dated and my midsection is more than a little paunchy. I have what some might call an attempt at a beard. I have a nice "radio voice" and I've also been told that I have a "radio face." I guess you can't win them all.

Steven Spielberg of Bel Air, CA writes:

...Is this Jeremy Bear of Long Beach, California? Jeremy, while I'm sure your work may well be very stirring, I don't have any use for unsolicited screenplays. If you have an agent and he/she would like to arrange a meeting with a member of my production company's staff, he/she can do so care of:

Dreamworks, Skg
100 Universal City Plz
Universal City, CA 91608

I'd also like to point out that having pizzas delivered to my home with script samples taped to the inside of the pizza box is not only futile, but wholly inappropriate. And, we do have caller ID on our telephones... we know it's you and my wife is extremely unnerved by the frequent "hang-ups" and heavy breathing. For the last time: no, you may not babysit my children, no you may not "hang out" on the set, no you may not sleep on my lawn and NO you may NOT continue to rifle through our garbage. Enough is enough. I've contacted not only the police, but also a lawyer. This is your last warning.

Loud and clear, Steve! Thanks for the note! By the way, Minority Report was an absolute thrill ride! Keep up the fine work.

*****

Well, that's all the time we have for this edition of the JeremyBear.com mailbox. Keep those letters comin'.