Well, we're still not on the internet at the Bear household and my latest rant is against DSL Extreme. First off, they've provided high-speed, high-quality internet access to our home for the past year. Expensive, definitely, but the service has been absolutely terrific.

Unfortunately, their sales and support staff has managed to piss me off enough that I'm switching ISPs. What was originally represented to me ("oh yes, sir, since you're moving we'll have to have you offline for a few days to switch everything over, but you should be up and online within four days, seven at the most.") has been blown to bits. I requested the change order weeks ago, and they've only yesterday gotten around to putting the order into our local phone company, which means at least another week or two until I have access. Not only that, but they've been charging me for all this downtime, even though I requested that service be removed from the old place two weeks ago.

Now mistakes happen and I understand that, but it would have done miracles for my faith in them if they hadn't been so snotty and rude when I suggested to them that they actually follow through with what they originally offered.

"Sir, I don't know who you talked to, but no. Four days isn't realistic at all, nor is seven. It takes weeks."

"Well, that would have been helpful to know ahead of time. Why would whoever it was say it would take four days?"

"Who did you talk to?"

"Uh. Someone in your support department. A guy. I didn't write down his name."

"Well, then I can't help you."

So, I'm switching to Verizon's new DSL service, which is supposedly the hip new thang. Cheaper too, by gum. It's too bad, too. Even a simple "I'm sorry sir, let me look into that" would have made all the difference in the world.
...

Well, the hate mail has all but petered out. I'm still getting one or two a day, but people seem to have lost interest. I've replied to a few of the notes, but not any of the snippy ones. A couple of the extra creative in the Down with JeremyBear.com camp have even used my title suggestion form to submit their anger. To be honest, I've been very disappointed with the lack of wit in those particular submissions. Come on, gang! Get with it!

On the other hand, a few folks have been very kind about suggesting organizations that accept donations. A few for bereaved parents and a few others that help out kids with cancer. They're not in front of me at the moment, but I might post a few eventually and I'm definitely looking into some of these. So, thanks to those who wrote in with that stuff.
...

The new place is still miles from settled, but we're getting there. The bedroom is very close. The office is done. The kitchen and living room are both in pretty dire shape, but we've made some significant strides.

It's funny with packing and unpacking. We unpacked a few boxes that we hadn't opened since our move from Columbus, Ohio over a year ago. Much of it was very embarrassing artwork that I have vague recollections of displaying proudly.

I don't know... old artwork. I really like looking through some of my old sketchbooks from high school because I can at least remember my ham-handed enthusiasm and occassionally remark to myself, "ah, I meant well. And, really, that's not bad for a high school kid." It's the stuff that I did in college that I find the most embarrassing. You know what I mean. Still with all the awkward edges, but by that time I was way too old to be making such amateurish mistakes. Some of the worst pieces are the paintings I did for Carey when we first started dating... oy. She still loves them, of course, but most of them make me want to crawl underneath a rock.
...

So, great news, I'm about to receive a check for $5,300 from the insurance company, which is much much more than I'd anticipated. That's a pretty tidy down payment on whatever I get next.

Jeez, what should I get next?

But, it's true, we've been sharing a car for the last couple of weeks and it's really starting to chip away at my poor wife's patience. She's had to ask for many a ride of late and she's also had to go to work far earlier than necessary to accomodate my dropping her off on my way to my job in Costa Mesa. I'd really like to rectify matters by getting a car this weekend, but... we'll see.

What should I get?
...

Lastly, I am getting the emails that you dear folks have been kind enough to send lately... I just haven't had the ability to respond because I can only access the internet from work (where I'm, again, illegally typing this). The word is I'll be set up Tuesday night/Wednesday morning. Fingers crossed.

Well. Where to begin?

Some very heavy stuff going down here at JeremyBear.com. I'm astounded, myself. But let's see...

I'll start with the move.
...

Sunday was the moving bonanza and it's been at least a year since I've seen anything that compares to the amount of elbow-grease that went into this endeavor. Our good friends Kelly Larned, Nate Brown, Tony and Stacie Dybas, Steve Groff, and Steve Yamikowayoshiyungduckdai (at least I think that's his name... Japanese, you understand) pitched in for the better part of the day.

Sunday, of course, was the deadline for our vacating the premises and we were so far behind that I began to run emergency scenarios in my head in the even that we couldn't make it. "Okay, we've got the moving truck from 9:00 to 4:00... if that's not enough, maybe we can keep it overnight and I can call in sick on Monday and so can Carey and maybe we can pull and all-nighter before our landlord notices and..."

And ergh.

But our friends were totally committed to our move and, wonder of wonders, we made it. A little frenzied by the end, there, but we got all the stuff transported and the truck was even back by 4:00 on the nose. The place was a shambles (it still is, actually), but at least all our stuff was present.

Our Appleton apartment was, surprisingly, exactly how we'd found it last July. Carey managed the final cleanup and, yahoo, it looks like we'd be getting our deposit back.

Our new place on Elm... well... sort of a delighted frustration. There'll be days and weeks of work ahead to get the place up to snuff, but, man, it's ours.

We really don't know anything about how the place works, though. As luck would have it, we bumped into Tom (the guy who does maintenance/upkeep/etc. for Elm Plaza... I think he's sort of our condo's resident traffic cop) in the parking garage and I tried to hit him up for as much info as I could. His tongue was much looser on the subject than Nacho's had been a year earlier.

JER: So, we don't really know how to "buzz people in" like they do on Seinfeld or anything.

TOM: Yeah, it's all through your phone. They call you up through the panel in the lobby and you can work everything from there.

JER: What about parking down here? Which spot is ours?

TOM: Your spots are there and there. Tandem spots in front of each other, which, I know, is a pain in the ass, but that's the only way we could make room. So you and your wife will just have to move now and then to let the other person out.

JER: Believe me, that's better than what we've gotten used to.

TOM: Right. I saw that you parked in the wrong spot earlier. If that had been my spot, you'd have gotten towed, *giggle*.

[Jer and Care give each other a puzzled look... was that supposed to be funny?]

JER: Ah. Well, we didn't know the appropriate spot, so... sorry to whoever we took over.

TOM: Yeah, had it been my spot, you'd have been, you know... towed... *giggle*

JER: Uh. Yeah, you said that.

TOM: You know how to work the elevators, right?

JER: Yeah, just use the keys. That's easy enough.

TOM: Just use the keys...! *giggle*

JER: ...Right... Now, do we need to contact the President of the Condo Association? What's his name? Dave something?

TOM: Yeah, Dave... *giggle*... he's my roommate...

JER: Uh-huh. And how do we go about--

TOM: I'm sorry, I can't really answer anymore questions tonight.

JER: Oh. Okay.

TOM: It's not your fault, it's just that I've been drinking a lot and I can hardly concentrate on what you're saying.

JER: I understand.

TOM: *giggle*

So we went upstairs and committed ourselves to setting up the bedroom furniture that night. Dog-tired and ultra-irritable, we shuffled, moved, re-shuffled, and scooted headboards, baseboards, boxsprings, mattresses, dressers and drawers around until we were satisfied.

And then we slept. In our new home.

In OUR new home.

Which was really, really nice.

Still plugging away and this may be the final update for the next several days, as my internet access will take a little bit of time to switch over to the address. Anyhow, we've enlisted the help of some dear friends (Kelly Larned, Tony & Stacie Dybas, Nate Brown, and Steve Groff) who were tremendous help throughout this afternoon and they've promised to return for round two tomorrow. Thanks, guys.

Oh, and I've updated my contact information, for those who are interested. Fortunately, we get to keep our phone number. Our new address is:

726 Elm Ave., #405
Long Beach, CA 90813

So, there.

Moving is the most stressful activity a person can endure, I think. I might feel differently if I were in the midst of... I don't know, having a baby... but I find myself completely overwhelmed.

Not that it's Carey's fault, but most of the moving duties have landed squarely in my lap, as her work schedule keeps her from home. She called from work yesterday to see how it was going and I actually started crying.

There's still so much to do and I feel as if I'm drowning here.

Help.

Home again.

Through no fault of our friends and family whatsoever, the past week has been the most stressful vacation I can remember. Nice to see everyone, but I managed to waste the whole trip worrying.
...

Lauren's wedding: Really, it went off beautifully despite the ineptitudes of everyone's least-favorite wedding coordinator. The woman actually spent some of the time frantically trying to get ridiculous answers to questions already dealt with out of the groom (and, I'm assuming, the bride as well). Most memorable screwed-up moment during the ceremony:

WEDDING COORDINATOR: What are you doing?! You just did it wrong!

ME: I just did what wrong?

WEDDING COORDINATOR: You just escorted the bride's parents down to their seats! It's too early!

ME: No, I didn't. The bride's parents are over there. I'm following the schedule: Pachabel's Canon begins, I escort the Grandparents, then return for the Step-Parents, then Steve escorts his parents, then I escort the bride's mom. Those were the bride's step-parents I just escorted, see?

WEDDING COORDINATOR: But, you didn't wait for Steve to escort his parents!

ME: I'm not supposed to! Those were the step-parents!

WEDDING COORDINATOR: No, those were... wait... no, those were the step-mom and the dad of the bride, I think.

ME: (fuming) Did you know that I'm the brother of the bride?

WEDDING COORDINATOR: (starts to flip through her schedule) ...uh...

ME: That means that the BRIDE'S parents happen to be MY parents, so I'm fairly sure I'd recognize them. Those two people standing over there are, truly, my mom and dad. I'm going to escort my mom as soon as Steve is finished escorting his folks in about fifteen seconds. I'm not going to bother escorting my dad because he's ESCORTING THE BRIDE. Remember?

WEDDING COORDINATOR: Well... hold on... maybe... it seems like the wrong order...

ME: No, we went over it several times last night. How about if you go figure it all out for yourself because I'm done speaking with you now.

Yeah, I was mad. Still, nice ceremony, fun reception and... and my baby sister's married.

I don't think it really hit me until I was standing up there, listening to her recite her vows that this really was it: Lauren was a bride. We're all married now. Funny, that.

And, as is appropriate at weddings, I guess I got a little nostalgic and I started to remember. And, even stranger, my memories ran in reverse...

And I saw Lauren walking away from her groom, backwards down the aisle, radiant.

And I saw myself packing a moving truck and making the long, backward trip from Long Beach to Columbus, where I'd live for the next two years. We gave back our cats to their owners... first Calliope, then Gilbert a year later.

And in 2001, Erin, my other sister, un-married her husband Greg. Several months later, in 2000, I moved from Columbus to North Canton and un-married Carey.

And I was hired and fired, hired and fired, until eventually I went back to college.

And in 1995, my relationship with Carey, my girlfriend of several years, ended. I'd never see her again and I'd never know what I'd be missing.

And I left college for high school, when my parents decided to get together.

And our family moved around, backwards. Marietta, Georgia... where I began to neglect my interest in art. Then Akron, Ohio, where I grew smaller and smaller and smaller and eventually stopped remembering how to do all those things that most folks take for granted, like riding a bike or writing or reading or speaking.

And then Lauren was a baby. And then there was no Lauren. And then Erin was a baby. And then no Erin.

And, through it all, my parents grew to love each other more and more. And all of their mistakes and all of my own mistakes undid themselves. And all the things I'd learned gradually disappeared.

And then there was no me.

And...

And eventually I was in Akron again, watching my baby sister marry a very, very good guy named Steve. It was a great day. I was proud of her and I guess I found myself a little thankful for all those mistakes, all those failures, all those wonderful, awful times. Because, well, it had all led to this day, this time, and I daresay it was all worth it.

Congratulations, Lauren and Steve. I'm really happy for both of you.
...

Anyhow, after the wedding, we hopped down to our old stomping grounds in Columbus for a day and a half. Visited the old church (which is still the greatest group of folks ever in the history of ever). Hung out with some desperately-missed friends (Tom & Christie Burns, Dave & Renee Reinke, Dave & Johanna Matheny). Eventually, we went back to Akron.

Grandma and Grandpa Spellman treated us to dinner, which was an adventure. Visited Uncle Harry, whose Alzheimer's continues to progress, in the nursing home. Seeing him was bitter-sweet and part of me wonders if I'll see him again.

Said our good-byes to Mom, Dad, and their respective families.

Rode a plane from Cleveland to Denver to LA. Got home to two very nervous cats who looked as though their owners had betrayed them for the past week.

And now (shh!) I'm at work, posting. I should probably do what I'm being paid for, so I'll detail our house closing adventures and car-totalling ills later.

Oh, and we're moving in four days. And nothing's done. Thinking about it makes me a little ill.

So, that's it.

Posting from Dad's in Wadsworth, Ohio, this time around. An around-the-world blogger, me.
...

The car: apparently, it's a total loss. Our mechanic, Jose, heard something in the engine (my brother-in-law Greg advised me that what he heard is likely a "knock", as a opposed to a "click" or, I suppose, a "chink" or "blip" or "fart"... the difference between a "click" and a "knock" is, well, one signifies nothing and the other heralds explosive doom and disaster for the engine. So, FYI from Greg.) and, since the cost of repairing/replacing the engine is greater than the cost of the car... well, you know the deal.

Totalled.

So, I can already forsee trouble with getting an appropriate settlement out of Mercury because I waited too long like a doofus. Either way, a new car (or, likely, a used car) is in my near future. I have no idea what to get. Something for poor people, I suppose.
...

Sent all the appropriate faxes from the Moyers' computer to our loan processing and Escrow folks. So, it's out of our hands. Again, we have to be out by the 17th and we still haven't closed.

Can't anything big also be easy?
...

The first half of yesterday was filled with driving to Akron from PA. The second half consisted of Lauren's rehearsal and rehearsal dinner.

What to say about the rehearsal... well, Lauren had complained for weeks that The Chapel (the church) had assigned her a moron to coordinate the wedding. "She's airheaded! Incompetent! She doesn't know anything about weddings! We spend most of our time reminding her of things she's either forgotten or doesn't understand!" We all smiled and nodded: the bride was needlessly rattled. It's to be expected, after all. Everything would be fine.

Except...

During the rehearsal process, it turns out that Lauren's fears were all too realized. Pat, the coordinator in question, was indeed all of the above: Airheaded. Incompetent. Knows nothing about weddings. Lauren and Steve spent terrific amounts of desperately-needed time reminding her of things she'd either forgotten or didn't understand. By the end, I wanted to choke her myself. But, to me, the corker came when she announced to everyone:

"No one's allowed to be nervous tomorrow! Smiles! I'll be nervous enough for all of us!"

Listen, you old scag, this is the biggest, most important day in my sister's life. She's tremendously stressed. If there's one person she needs to count on to have her shit together, it's you. So, even if you're as ignorant as you look, at least do us the courtesy of pretending to know what's going on. If that was supposed to be some sort of warped joke, it wasn't funny. If you were serious, and your scattered lizard-mind leads to a bad wedding experience for hundreds of people... I'll gather up a posse and we'll beat you down ourselves.

Smiles!
...

The rehearsal dinner was really nice, though, and Steve and Lauren got some really great gifts for the wedding party. We ate at the Akron City Club, thanks to the generosity of Steve's parents. Sat near some interesting people (an Indian couple that had just been married a week before) and, generally, had a lovely time.

And then home, and then to bed.

And I post this the morning of the wedding. I'm sure it'll all turn out, but I think everybody's a bit nervous. At least the pastor, Jim College, seems to know what he's doing.

Posting from York, Pennsylvania. The in-laws were kind enough to let me blog.

So, much much much to talk about, but I don't have the energy, to be perfectly frank. I'll try to highlight, though...

- My car situation is dire. I finally brought it in and an insurance adjuster came out and said I may have engine damage and demanded to know what's wrong with me for waiting so long to bring in my car. My only reply was "I don't know, I suck. I didn't think it was a problem beyond a rattling exhaust and a slightly leaky oil pan." Apparently my negligence may have made the problem worse than it already was and the car could be a total loss. And my insurance company could view that as not entirely their responsibility because I didn't report it right away, which would be big, big trouble for me. I'm kind of broke and I can't really afford to just not have a car anymore. Prayers, please, prayers.

- Our Escrow situation is ridiculous. We made it very clear to them that we wouldn't be available to sign or take care of anything this week, so, "are you sure you've got everything you need from us? Completely, truly sure?" Well, yesterday they called to inform us that I need to prove that I really did have mutual funds and I really did get a refund for all my shares and I really did deposit that check in order to write a cashier's check for our down payment. Apparently, bank statements and transaction histories and account info from my mutual fund company isn't enough... they need photocopies of the actual check (which I made, believe it or not, I just didn't take those copies with me to Ohio/PA... why would I?). So, our Escrow close is in danger. Hosers.

- Plane rides out here were fine. Since neither of us had slept the night before, we were dog-tired when we flew into Cleveland. Big, sleepy naps all around, which doesn't make us very good guests of my family, but I don't think they minded.

- Helped an old man stuck in a ditch after being driven home from the airport. Kind of a long story, but it culminates in a soaking wet Jer yelling at an eighty-year-old man in the rain, "DUDE! COME ON! I SAID I'LL HELP YOU! WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU! DO YOU NEED A PUSH OR NOT?!"

- Drove to PA yesterday morning. The Moyers (Carey's folks) threw a little welcome bash for us, which was nice, but I had to spend half of it on the phone with car insurance and loan companies.

And that takes me to this morning. More to come.

Big shake-up last night: our church is kaput.

Carey and I joined Ekklesia as soon as we arrived a year ago and it's been... well, a bumpy road, I guess. Distance was always an issue and, let's face it, a church plant is always very difficult. I don't think we ever managed to connect with everyone as well as we'd have liked, but those are the brakes. Anyhow, I went to the service last night (Carey was working, alas, so I went alone) and our pastor, Michael Bischof, dropped the big bomb: he'd taken a full-time job at a church in Fullerton and, well, that's it for Ekklesia.

So, in the end, I'm not altogether sure what we're going to do. We've been attending Seaside Community Church in Huntington Beach sporadically, so we may well stick with that. It's all sort of strange and I feel a little nervous. Seriously, where are we supposed to go?

In my wondering on the way home last night, I absent-mindedly banged into the median making a left turn, throwing my already out-of-whack car farther out of whack. So, all those repairs I've been putting off since the McDonalds's incident can no longer wait.

And, of course, we need to be moved out in two weeks and we still haven't signed our loan papers.

And, we've barely begun to pack.

And we'll be gone for a week starting Tuesday.

And I'm terribly behind on just about every deadline imaginable.

And Carey's schedule is a mess.

And things really couldn't get any more stressful, as every single major thing in my life is happening at the same time and there simply aren't enough hours in the day.

So, that's it. Don't get me wrong, I'm thrilled to be seeing all the old friends and family back in Ohio/Pennsylvania for a week, but, to be honest, it couldn't have come at a worse time.

At least I've got my health, right?

*Cough*
...

It's been awhile, so I decided to fire out another script (it's not like I've got anything important going on, right?). Introducing a dapper young title by a Mssr. Jerry Liu, it's ASP Rules. Nothing too special, just some streamlined, efficient laffs. Diet Comedy, if you will. Go read.

Got a big, flaming haircut this morning (remember Blu?) and... er... goodbye long hair. Actually, it's a little upsetting because I gave pretty specific instructions on the matter.

"Wow... that's a lot shorter. I, uh... didn't think I was going that short."

"Yeah, I know that's what you said, but when I started cutting I realized that you would look better this way, so I just kind of kept cutting. What do you think?"

I think I look like a Long Beach lesbian with a goatee. Ugh. Well, I guess that's life. If there's one thing that's temporary, it's hair. Carey hasn't gotten home yet, so the Boss hasn't had the chance to weigh in on the matter. I hope my sister doesn't mind having a dude in her wedding party that looks like a dyke.