Christmas Rapping
In the good old days, see, Christmas shopping was easy: I was a kid with no money or transportation, so I'd cut out a square of construction paper and write on it:
I'd give her the coupon and that was that. Mom would make all the appropriate comments: "oh, honey, that's so sweet, thank you! Boy, this'll sure come in handy !" And, of course, that thing would be deposited promptly into the trash.
And why shouldn't it? What kind of horrible mother taps her 8-year-old on the shoulder while he's in the middle of playing with his G.I.Joes, hands him a coupon and tells him, "I'll take that backrub now"?
Although, I have to say, part of me is still waiting for Mom to show up on my doorstep one day with a briefcase full of mangled bits of construction paper, demanding I massage her shoulders, do the dishes, take out the trash and clean up her bedroom. (Rrr! Idiot! Why didn't I put an expiration date on those things?!)
But check. Me. Out: A week before Christmas and all my shopping is bought, wrapped, sent and stuffed in the appropriate stocking. I'm the original frenzied-Christmas-Eve-mall-shopper, but not this year, son. I have enough to worry about this year without fighting other irresponsible guys in the sock isle at Target at 11:30 PM on 12/24.
PS - I'd like to dedicate this particular post to whoever came up with the idea of the Amazon.com Wish List. From buying gifts to receiving gifts, you've made Christmas a much lovelier experience, dear friend. I wish you nothing but prosperity and joy this holiday season.
To: Mom
From: Jeremy
This coupon is good for one (backrub/clean room/miscellaneous act of service performable by an 8-year-old). Merry Christmas!
I'd give her the coupon and that was that. Mom would make all the appropriate comments: "oh, honey, that's so sweet, thank you! Boy, this'll sure come in handy !" And, of course, that thing would be deposited promptly into the trash.
And why shouldn't it? What kind of horrible mother taps her 8-year-old on the shoulder while he's in the middle of playing with his G.I.Joes, hands him a coupon and tells him, "I'll take that backrub now"?
Although, I have to say, part of me is still waiting for Mom to show up on my doorstep one day with a briefcase full of mangled bits of construction paper, demanding I massage her shoulders, do the dishes, take out the trash and clean up her bedroom. (Rrr! Idiot! Why didn't I put an expiration date on those things?!)
But check. Me. Out: A week before Christmas and all my shopping is bought, wrapped, sent and stuffed in the appropriate stocking. I'm the original frenzied-Christmas-Eve-mall-shopper, but not this year, son. I have enough to worry about this year without fighting other irresponsible guys in the sock isle at Target at 11:30 PM on 12/24.
PS - I'd like to dedicate this particular post to whoever came up with the idea of the Amazon.com Wish List. From buying gifts to receiving gifts, you've made Christmas a much lovelier experience, dear friend. I wish you nothing but prosperity and joy this holiday season.
posted by Jeremy Bear at
11:10 AM
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