Completely Floored

Ta-dah! Carey poses with a significant portion of her new floor. Click to enlarge.

We decided to go with the "Maple" Tundra. As you can see, it's much, much different than the "Pine" Tundra. I guess. Click to enlarge.

This is just a sampling of the foul carpet that was ripped up to make way for our new floor. And if you think that looks gross, you should try smelling it. Fuah! Click to enlarge.

So Carey had decided, even before we'd put a bid in for our cozy lil' home, that she had to HAD TO have hardwood floors. Damn the expense, we need them. It was part of Her Vision.

The cheapest, easiest way to achieve that Hardwood Look is to buy the click-lock stuff from IKEA. Supposedly it's better than Pergo, less expensive, easier to install, glue-less, durable, and, best of all, it comes with a 15-year warranty. It's called Tundra and it's now covering about 50% of our home.

25 boxes and about $1,000 later, my poor little Jetta was tooling up the 405 with no suspension and roughly half a ton of our new flooring distributed throughout the trunk, back seat and passenger seat. I'm still amazed it fit. I love my car.

We hired a friend from Carey's work and his cohort to do the installing and they're currently about 2/3 of the way done. I'm a little miffed that the job is taking somewhere in the neighborhood of three times what they initially estimated and we have to pay these jokers by the hour... but, geez dude, I have to admit I'm digging the look of hardwood floors in the living room, dining area, hall, entry way and office.

Hopefully the job'll be done tomorrow. It's been frustrating, but our living room will be complete soon enough.
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On Friday, we did our taxes.

The wife had heard about some slick-Willy accountant in Long Beach who's an expert at getting his clients ultra-mondo-tax returns, so we showed up bright and early.

Uh. Let me try to paint a picture, here. I wouldn't have believed it unless I'd seen it.

The waiting room was... well, it was ugly and unkempt, but that's beside the point. Old, torn magazines and broken toy parts strewn everywhere. Gross Goodwill furniture. What disturbed us the most, though, were six framed photos on the waiting room wall.

The photos were of women. Mostly in bathing suits, posing like Maxim models... well, trying anyway... backs arhed, doggy-style, asses out, pouty lips and come-hither eyes. Sadly, these women were not incredibly attractive... average at best, really. And the quality of the photography was nearly on par with something Helen Keller could have easily achieved with a disposable camera. We got the impression that maybe the accountant's brother was trying to open a modeling agency or something and the accountant was letting him borrow a bit of his office space. I have no idea. The most frightening thing about these photos, though? In medium-sized type, at the bottom-right of each photo, were two words: "Love Me".

I wish I had some clever explanation for this, but I'm completely drawing a blank. "Love Me"??? The devil you say!

"LOVE ME"???!!!

The waiting room began to steadily fill up and it soon became obvious that Carey and I were probably among a very slim minority of this fellows clients in that Carey and I happen to speak English. Not that I'm complaining, mind you. But, this place was quickly turning into a veritable fiesta of ethnicity, if you take my meaning.

Finally, the accountant called us into his office. The place was a shambles. Papers everywhere, confidential files laying about for the whole world to see. And the centerpiece of the room: a fully stocked bar with every sort of liquor imaginable proudly displayed. Not a shelf or a cabinet, mind you... a BAR. It was obvious that a heckuva lot of drinkin' went down in this little pad.

The accountant waved us into a couple of chair in front of his desk. I'm not exaggerating when I say that this guy didn't have a single clean, white tooth in his head. He was obviously Mexican, which, hey, no sweat, but it was very apparent that he and English were, at most, distant acquaintances. He said, "let me see jou papers."

JER: Our...? Oh, sure, the... the papers. Okay, here you go.

ACCOUNTANT: ...

JER: By the way, my name's Jeremy. This is my wife, Carey.

CAREY: Hi.

ACCOUNTANT: Mn.

JER: Should I, uh. Do you want us to tell you about our incomes or...?

ACCOUNTANT: (shrugs) Hokay.

JER: Well, I have a part-time job and I freelance on the side. I'm an illustrator and designer.

CAREY: I'm a banquet and catering manager at Virginia Country Club. By the way, Stephanie Wells recommended you. Do you remember Stephanie?

ACCOUNTANT: (nods) Stephanie.

JER: We, ah... we bought a condo in 2003. It's... well, am I jumping ahead? Should we start with the W-2 stuff?

ACCOUNTANT: (shrugs) ...

JER: No? Yes?

ACCOUNTANT: Hokay.

The dude made deduction after deduction and it looks as though we'll be getting somewhere in the neighborhood of $3,000 back, thanks to our home-buying. So, good news. The whole thing left me with an uneasy feeling, though. I dunno. It all felt a little shaky and maybe even a little seedy.

Carey was, however, pleased as punch. I guess she just wanted a nice return.

And cripes. Who can blame her?

El Politico

Sometimes I get into political discussions and every once in a blue moon those discussions turn into debates. I don't know enough about politics to debate well on the subject, however I do know a wee bit about reason and human nature and it's on these bases that I derive my opinions on law, conflict, and governments.

Invariably, when I'm discussing politics with someone who doesn't share my point of view, they usually say, "ah, so you're a Republican," and when I explain that, no, I'm not, they're usually puzzled. The fact is, probably 95% of my views are very conservative and very Republican, but I have no desire to associate myself with that particular party and I often have a difficult time articulating why.

Then I 'll see something like this video clip of Dennis Miller debating Eric Alterman and I'll remember why I refuse to be a Republican.

Republicans are dicks.

Okay, no, not all Republicans. Many are sincere, honest people that seem to know a thing or two about Why the World is the Way It Is and vote their beliefs... but it's too often that Republicans manage to live up to their reputations of being narrow, boorish, trigger-happy buffoons that are more interested in showing the world how intelligent they are than in hearing anyone out. Personally, I agree completely with Miller and I think Alterman's thesis is beyond absurd... but, come on, Dennis. Is this what it's come to? Mockery?

I used to have more faith in the media than I do these days. If anything, the exhaustive amounts of research I've been doing lately has taught me that bias is inevitable. History, just like contemporary news, is written by people with agendas and opinions and... frankly, I'm glad this is the case. I used to roll my eyes at phrases like 'The Liberal Media', but it gets harder to deny each day.

Frankly, nothing would make me happier than to see Conservative Republicans disassociate themselves from the Religious Right, because all they manage to do is carry the other's baggage. I received a polictal email forward last week bemoaning the loss of prayer in schools! Unreal! Am I the only Christian that thinks that the removal of faculty and administration-led prayer from schools was a positive thing? Surely even an imbecile could see that these laws inhibit your Christian daughter's science teacher from leading the class in a prayer to Buddha, Pastor Jim.

Come November, as I said in my last post, I'll be voting for George W. Bush. Though she may kill me for saying so, my wife will not. Carey and I disagree on many political issues, but I have to say that it's hard to blame her for her opinions, especially after watching the methods in which the most vocal Republicans defend their positions.
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In related news, all I seem to hear about lately is Howard Stern and the FCC's handling of the obsenity statutes. Man, I don't know what to think. Lately, even Rush Limbaugh is described the FCC's treatment of him and other 'shock jocks' as "chilling".

Me, I don't know. I'm the last person to defend Howard Stern and bag on the FCC, but it's getting hard to deny that they've begun pulling charges and fines out of thin air lately. Is it too outrageous to imagine that Christianity would be thought of as "obscene" one day? Don't laugh.

Whatever the case, it'll be an interesting November.

Watching Paint Dry

"Your mother and sisters are going to be here in two weeks," she said, "and LOOK at this place! It's no different than when we first moved in!"

"Well, now, honey..."

"Enough! Enough! We paint!"

So, for the past three days, we've been in a painting frenzy in the entry way, the hall, and most of all... the living room. Just finished coat number two about 20 minutes ago, in fact. Carey feels that the experience of painting is terrific fun, a way to bond two spouses together. Our home! Our project! Our future!

Me, I just want to be finished.

But it's one more strange, grown-up thing that I've never done: painting our very own walls in a house that we've paid for with our very own money. So, I don't know, I guess it is kind of cool.
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I don't ususally talk politics here, in fear that my ignorance might be completely exposed, but hoofah! are Bush's critics coming out in full force lately! I can't speak for the rest of the world, but most days it seems like I'm the only person in the world who seems to feel that he's done a decent job over the last 4 years.

From the goofy news-report that wasn't a news-report that came from the White House recently all the way to the "could George have prevented 9-11 and did he try to pin it on Saddam?" testimonies of late, the guy is taking a beating. I'll go ahead and say that I full intend on voting for him again in November, but since I'm a California resident, I can't imagine my vote will make a whit of difference.

When are we going to get on the stick and abolish this retarded, antiquated electoral college? Is there anyone left who doesn't think this relic is a ridiculous idea? If anyone knows of a petition I can sign, please let me know.
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A few people have asked me lately if I'm still on my no-sugar-low-carb bit and is it making a difference? Well, yes, I'm still managing to hang on. I've relaxed it slightly, but I fully intend to make most of these changes permanent fixtures in my life. I've also done a fairly good job of keeping caffeine and alcohol out, too. I've had iced tea now and then, it's true, and I did have a glass of Chinese beer on Friday, but I've way reduced my intake of both. As for carbs... eh, haven't been quite as faithful with that, but I'm not sweating it. Sugar? Still no desserts, no sugary foods, nothing. (I have to admit, though, that I had a muffin this morning... I know, I feel bad. But, that's as bad as I've gotten and, really, I feel as if I'm doing pretty well).

The whole diet bit has yielded some really great discoveries, though. In my body's quest to get sugar SOMEhow, I've turned to fruit juices and naturally sweetened beverages. Specifically, the wife and I have jumped on board with R.W. Knudsen Juices and Beverages and these things are a godsend. Particularly the spritzers. All the benefits of a soft drink, no added sugar, no caffeine, ten times the taste, twenty times more healthy... and... er... nearly 3 times as expensive. But, pah, it's worth it. Go to your friendly neighborhood natural health food store and check it out.
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Was supposed to report for jury duty last week. Skipped it. Oops.
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Last of all, I've begun to wrap my brain around the shape of this outrageously huge, sprawling story I intend to tell about the Spanish Inquisition. At the moment, I'm envisioning it in four fairly sizeable volumes and my working title is The Black Legend. Some scripts and/or stories I've written in the past have been fun to do, but it's been rare that I've written something that I truly felt was a story that Needed to be Told. Well, Black Legend, in my humble opinion, falls in the latter category. It's big. It's important. People should know.

Already, though, I've started to cringe when I really begin to consider what I'm getting myself into. This thing is enormous.

An' a Happy St. Patty's t'Ye!

Happy Irish Day, everyone. I've downloaded and displayed a shamrock for you to look at because I love you so. And they said JeremyBear.com didn't care! Pah! Regard!

A very special shout out to the inlaws, who have just enough Irish in them to be dangerous (though something tells me they're passing on the green beer this year). Faith an' Begorrah! Erin go Bragh! Top o' the Mornin'! Red hearts, yellow stars, green clovers, blue diamonds, purple horseshoes!
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As it turns out, little Gilbert didn't have a majorly-torn ligament, he had a minorly-fractured bone in his leg. Still have no idea how it happened, but a surgeon took a gander at the little fellow's x-rays and confirmed it. So, we're doing our best to keep him calm for the next five weeks or so.
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Some very cool and interesting links, courtesy of Neil Gaiman's website:

- First of all, Dr. Stephen Unwin, a risk assessor in Ohio of all places, seems to have calculated the odds of God's existence at approximately 67%, which is good to know. And all my Christian schooling taught me that the evidence isn't quantifiable, it's wholly a faith issue... shows what they know! Turns out God has a slightly better chance of being For Real than George W. has in November, according to the latest polls. My favorite part of the article:

Despite his findings, Dr Unwin maintains that he is personally around 95% certain that God exists.

Which is sort of funny. "Jesus, I admit I'm a sinner and I'm reasonably convinced only you can save me. Please come into 19/20ths of my heart, dear Lord, and the odds are well in your favor that I'll follow you during the vast majority of my remaining days. Probably."

- Second, my wife and I had a disagreement this morning about a quote that may or may not have been attributed to Abraham Lincoln. Thanks to this site (full of interesting quotes from famous people of today and yesteryear), it seems she was right all along. I spent way too much time here today when I should have been working.

- Third, ever been waiting at a cross-walk, impatiently hitting that button? Ever thought, "you know, I wouldn't be suprised if pressing this thing doesn't make a bit of difference. These things are probably on their own timers anyhow." Well, as it happens, your worst fears are confirmed... It seems that many "buttons" that we think are working... really aren't. Yikes.

- Fourth, I was delighted to discover that a whopping 45 episodes of my favorite childhood variety program, The Muppet Show, are available on DVD. Unfortunately, this doesn't include the one episode my mom taped and played ad nauseum for my sisters and me when we were bouncing off the walls (the Anne Murray episode, of course). Still, I may just order these if the price ever goes down... er, dramatically.


All in all, not a bad batch of links. Thanks, Neil!

A movie for Christ's sake!

Just returned home from finally seeing the Passion of the Christ.

Without question, the most powerful moment in the film was when Jesus, bloody, beaten, scourged, utterly ravaged, hanging on the cross... lifts his head, looks at the audience and slowly whispers, "...why would you take your three-year-old to watch this, dumb-ass?"

I immediately stood for an ovation. Because, seriously, that kid never shut up and what kind of brain-dead parents are taking their wee ones to this flick? Did it occur to them that... I don't know... maybe the subject matter is A LITTLE TOO INTENSE FOR A TODDLER?

Okay, some sincerity...

This is a truly astonishing film. I'd heard this described as everything from "a life-changing spiritual experience" to "a two hour ass-kicking", so I went in with moderate expectations, fully expecting it to be better than what the harshest critics were describing, but not quite so stunning as what the biggest fans had experienced.

But, man, this thing is a work of art. Beautiful. Harsh. Towering. Personal. It's the portrait of Jesus I've had in my mind for years and this is the first time I've ever seen an actor really nail it. The story was as fresh and alive and horrifying as I'd ever imagined (and, being raised in a Christian home, I've been given more than my fair share of opportunities to imagine it).

And as for weighing in on the controversy... all I can say is... "eh?" What controversy? Where's the anti-Semitism? The racism? The elitism? I really didn't see any of it. You'd have to be a professional contortionist to bend anything in that film against any people group. Why is this such an uproar? The material's been there for 2000 years in the most printed, most quoted, most studied, most influential piece of literature in recorded human history... why is everyone acting like the content is some big flaming surprise?

Anyhow, it's a great experience and one that I'm glad I had a few weeks to prepare for. I guess I'm saying... er... believe the hype. Or don't. I don't know. See this film.

SEE THIS FILM.
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One Kitty to Rule Them All (pt. 2)

Let's face it, who's still thinking about the Oscars? Hooray for Lord of the Rings: Return of the King, I guess, as if anyone suspected that anything else would come close to being last year's big winner (though, I have to admit, I didn't expect it to SWEEP EVERY FRIGGIN' CATEGORY IN WHICH IT WAS NOMINATED. Jeezow).

Anyhow, big surprise, I love the Oscars, even if it means enduring the syrupy-sweet red carpet walk, sitting through the dumb categories that no one gives a hoot about, and Billy Crystal. What can I say? I love everyone fawning over Jack Nicholson, the "Look Who Died Last Year" montage, the cheeseball impromptu performances, the pomp, the... uhn... the... circumstance?

Uh.

Anyhow, just as Steven Spielberg was about to announce the award for best picture, I heard Carey shriek. "GAHHH! WHAT'S WRONG WITH GILBERT?!"

Fast forward several hours and we're at the 24 hour emergency vet hospital. It's nearly 3 in the morning and the doc finally calls us back to examine our poor kitty's x-rays... yeah. Who knows how he did it, but young Master Gilbert had somehow torn a ligament in his back-left leg. He's been limping ever since.

Doc suggested we keep him apart from Calliope, as they do tend to get rambunctious and the problem could be aggravated if he runs around and plays and jumps too much. So, he was locked in the office for several days and... yeah, okay, I'll say it... the guy gets very desperate and lonely when he's alone at night, so... (am I really going to admit this? Hhh...) Carey and I inflated the air mattress and took turns sleeping in the office for the better part of the week.

I know. Look, Dad, I know. No, seriously, I KNOW.

He's doing better and the doc says he'll likely avoid surgery with the anti-inflammatory meds we've had him on. Carey is taking him for a checkup tomorrow. Good luck, Gilb.
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I spent all day Friday doing layouts for yet another Playstation 2 game. There's a good chance that I won't get to illustrate this one (they may pass my thumbnails onto a 3-D artist for the actual cover artwork, which would be kind of a bummer), but I'm keeping my fingers crossed. I had such a blast with Future Tactics (due out in 2.5 weeks), I'd love to do it again.

In the meantime, another Playstation game is going to hit the stands in a few weeks called "StrikeForce Bowling". I didn't do the cover artwork (that was handled by my terribly talented buddy Chad Meshek), but I did do the logo. So, you know. That's something.
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And the Spanish Inquisition obsession continues. I'm mowing through material on this like a man possessed. What's happened to me? I never used to care about history, particularly European history. I can't get enough!

Any leads? Any books? Any recommendations? ANYTHING ON THE SPANISH INQUISITION, I want it. Tell me. Please. I'm really into this stuff.