The Infernal Blue Box

May 28th was five years for me and Carey, marriage-wise, which is more or less the first Big One. We're officially No Longer New At This.

We had a grand scheme for our 5 year celebration: an Alaskan cruise. We'd been planning a 5th-year cruise since our honeymoon, and life in Long Beach has made us crave something glacial. Unfortunately, our tax situation this year has drained our funds dry and we're going to try to make a 6th Anniversary gift out of Alaska. We'll see.

So we endeavored to keep our gift giving modest. Then again, five years ain't hay, so we decided on $400-$500 gift limits. Carey made it very clear what she was hoping for, though: jewelry from Tiffany's.

Tiffany's. Legendary haven for people that can afford far more than I can. "I've always wanted to get something in that little Blue Box," Carey told me.

The Infernal Blue Box.

Well, crap, I don't know a Tiffany's ring from a Cracker Jack ring. Carey emailed me a few suggestions and I trudged into the local store at South Coast Plaza.

Understand, this is Tiffany's, so you're immediately sized up by the sales staff when you walk through the door. They tend to bolt toward the 17-year-old heiresses with Daddy's credit card at the ready. Someone like me? It takes awhile to get their attention.

Finally, a guy about my dad's age took pity and strolled over.

SALES GUY: Did you need something here, sir?

ME: Thanks, yeah, I'm looking for a ring for my wife. An anniversary gift. I don't know anything about jewelry, so I'm open to suggestions.

SALES GUY: Ah. And what type of rings does she like?

ME: Well, I know she likes platinum and I know she's interested in diamonds.

SALES GUY: Excellent. Let's take a look in this case, mm?

ME: Wow, these are very nice.

SALES GUY: Here's a beautiful ring for an anniversary. Platinum, the diamonds are arranged in a design that's very popular this year.

ME: And how much is this one?

SALES GUY: This is $3,700.

ME: Hnn.

SALES GUY: But over here is the one I'd recommend. It's $4,500, but you certainly can't go wrong with--

ME: Right, you know, this is, uh, this is out of my price range. Unfortunately. So, maybe something simpler?

SALES GUY: All right, what's your price range?

ME: Er... I was hoping to stay in the... $600 neighborhood?

SALES GUY: I see. My friend, you're going to want to look in silver. That way.

ME: Yeah, the trouble is, there's nothing in silver that's... first of all, there's really nothing with diamonds in silver. Isn't there a middle ground somewhere?

SALES GUY: Not in platinum.

ME: Well, look, I brought this printout from your website. What about this? Platinum, single diamond, $650. I could do that.

SALES GUY: We do have that ring...

ME: "But...?"

SALES GUY: My friend, you don't want to give your wife this ring for your anniversary. This is a Promise Ring.

ME: And what is that exactly?

SALES GUY: You've never heard of a Promise Ring?

ME: I've heard of it, I've just never known what it was.

SALES GUY: Don't get out much, do you?

ME: ...Apparently not.

SALES GUY: A Promise Ring is something a teenager gives to another teenager. "I love you," you know, "maybe we'll be married some day..."

ME: Are a lot of 16-year-olds with an extra $700 laying around making wedding plans?

SALES GUY: Tell you what, I have an idea. What do you think of this ring?

ME: Well, it's nice. What... do you think of it?

SALES GUY: It's right in your price range. White gold with five small diamonds. Very... modest... but appropriate for someone in your... situation.

ME: Uh-huh. And this is better than the platinum one.

SALES GUY: For an anniversary gift, yes.

ME: Because the platinum one would be some sort of insult.

SALES GUY: I think so.

ME: Well... okay, let's get this one, then. The white gold.

SALES GUY: Very good. Try not to feel bad. This is a perfectly adequate gift for a 1st anniversary.

ME: Uh.

SALES GUY: This... is your first anniversary, isn't it?

ME: Not... no.

SALES GUY: Which one is it?

ME: ...

SALES GUY: ...

ME: It's our third.

SALES GUY: Ah. Third. Well, come back and see us for one of the big ones, eh?

ME: Hnn.

Look, I didn't like lying about which anniversary it was anymore than you liked reading it, but come on! What would you have done in that situation?

In the end, the snotty guy wrapped the ring in The Infernal Blue Box and handed it over. Carey was happy to get it. At first she had mixed feelings about the ring, but she's definitely warmed to it (not that the Tiffany's story helped any).

As it happens, silver Tiffany's cufflinks were Carey's gift to me, so I received an Infernal Box of my own (but the cufflinks are very nice).

The day of our anniversary was terrific, though. A three-hour drive to Joshua Tree National Park, a gorgeous, sprawling desert in Southeast California. I've honestly never seen anything quite like it. Being an Ohio boy, my exposure to deserts has been limited at best, so this was defintely a treat for both Carey and me and I'd definitely like to go out there again.

Maybe it was the wide-openness of it all. You start to forget just how claustrophobic the urban environment can be, especially in somewhere as insane as Los Angeles County. But driving through that park was incredible. Haven't developed the pics yet, but I'll post them when I do.

Dinner, for the third year in a row, was at Bono's. Always a terrific experience, but we should have said no to dessert.

But best of all, it was a day of no responsibilities, save being with the woman I like best. I had a great time.

Five years, Care. Love ya.

F*ck Tiffany's.

Psst...

One of the most fascinating blogs on the internet: Post Secret. From what I gather, people put some of their most jealously guarded secrets on a post card, anonymously mail it to the Post Secret address and if it's chosen, it's posted.

A fascninating, heartbreaking read. Some seem a little dubious, others a bit too showy or faux-inspiring... but the compiler has done a pretty good job of picking some intriguing and beautiful cards.

There are a few I could send in, but I don't think I have the nerve.
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I refuse to neglect this piece of news any longer: congratulations in advance to my cousin, Matthew Wolfe. He's a-gettin' himself hitched this Saturday, May 28th.

A good guy? No question! Too young to get married? Without a doubt! Am I thrilled for him and his bride-to-be as they begin this really cool, really scary, really huge chapter in their lives?

Most definitely.

Wish I could be there, Matt. Deep breaths. You'll do great.

Anyhow, they certainly picked a charmed day for their wedding. May 28th is, of course, the day Carey and I were married, so we're celebrating five big years on Saturday. I'm a very lucky man.
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I mentioned several weeks ago something about having an ad I concepted and drew a silly illustration for appearing in WIRED magazine. Well, the issue's on the shelf now and, as it turns out, there are two me-concepted ads in that issue. Both are for Averatec laptops and they're about four or five pages from the back. (The 90-second drawing on the "napkin" ad is mine, as is the ugly handwriting.)

As a bonus, articles about Steven Spielberg and Beck are found in that issue. Rubbin' shoulders with greatness, I tell ya.

June 2005 issue.
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Finally, it looks like Mom might be visiting in July, which is big, fat exciting news. It's looking like she might be here in So-Cal for the one-year anniversary of last summer's ordeal, which makes me happy.

Apparently, the Akron Beacon Journal politely asked her if they could come along and chronicle her experiences. For obvious reasons, I think she declined.

Oy, paparazzi!

Stanley: A Sharp Guy Who's Pretty Flat

I haven't mentioned this lately, but Carey and I have enjoyed the company of a good friend from Ohio for the past few weeks, Flat Stanley (of The Flat Stanley Project fame).

My sister, Mrs. Erin Burtoft, happens to be a teacher. She and her classroom thought it would be a roaring good time to send F. Stan (as I like to call him) over to Long Beach for a few weeks, provided we eventually send him back and document his adventures with photos.

So we did!

Needless to say, we had a terrific time. Here's hoping we get to spend more time with old Stanley in the future.

Once again, click the overblown link below to enjoy the festivities:


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I was elated to discover my name on Neil Gaiman's blog yesterday. Granted, he was only answering a question I'd sent to him earlier this week, but still. My Gaiman affection is boundless.

(By the way, the English Lit professor in question is none other than the divine dame, Stephanie Wells. The world would do well to listen to her, as she's one of the smarter cookies around.)
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Can't help but comment on the big Apprentice finale last night: I detest the idea of reality TV, but it's hard to resist Trump. As a study in the power and technique of marketing, it's a fascinating program.

I have to admit I've been cheering for Kendra since early in the season. She's good. When she pulled an all-nighter designing a truly gorgeous Pontiac brochure, I told Carey, "she's the one."

She probably should've remembered to, at the very least, shake The Donald's hand when he hired her. Ah, well, it's a big moment.
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Last but not least, today's review day for me at work. Here's hoping I manage to avoid getting canned.

Nah.

Chocolates, Raspberries, Caramels and Muffins

Danny Wright has a blog. Go read it and shiver at his wisdom!
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My birthday turned out to be a really terrific day.

First, I woke up to my wife singing a very special Birthday song. She was holding a plate, with a long, thick candle standing upright in the center. At the base of the candle sat two mini-muffins. Let your mind wander as it will. (I should probably also point out that the "special Birthday song" she was singing happened to be the Channel 101 perennial, "Chocolate Penis". Just watch the video and it'll all become clear.)

And, of course, my dear bride had flowers and a goodie-box delivered to me at work later in the morning. A beautiful arrangement, and the goodies made her everyone's hero at Binary Pulse.

Then a surprise email from Ryan: a $10 gift certificate at iTunes.

Then lunch: pizza at BJ's. Chad and Jason picked up the tab.

When I arrived at home, I found my two original comic art pieces framed and tied up with a bow (the Zulli and the Maguire).

Then, dinner at my favorite restaurant in Long Beach: McKenna's on the Bay. Spectacular food, great atmosphere, and the best view in Long Beach, with the sun setting over the water as we enjoyed the evening. Also, bonus, Scott and Stephanie showed up to share in the revelry (bearing gifts in the form of graphic novels... how can you not love these people?).

And gifts from my family also arrived (again, blessings upon blessings to the Amazon wish list).

A fine, fine day. I guess I get to start 29 off right.
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What else... oh, Knavel's got one too. A blog, that is.
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In college, I had the sweetest gig imaginable. While other students had to scrub dorms, serve hamburgers and unclog toilets for extra cash... I worked at a local TV station, doing voiceover for local commercial spots. It was great. Walk in, record a few commercials, pick up my check, walk out. After awhile, I wasn't bad at it, either. It's an artform, narration, it really is.

Anyhow, I've snagged the odd V/O gig here and there since then. Nothing wonderful, but I enjoy it.

Recently, though, I stepped back into the studio to record a marketing piece. It's online now, so if you're feeling bored, go have a listen (requires an updated Flash player).

Uncle Jer

First off, I'm 29 today. T-minus 365 days to 30.
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Second, the Big News: a little over a month ago, my sister Erin called from Las Vegas to inform me that she's expecting.

So, Erin's first on the Baby Train. Needless to say, I'm awed and excited to be a bona-fide uncle (no offense to my other nieces and nephews through marrying Carey... love you folks to pieces). She's due in December.

The whole family's excited and proud and anxious. I can't wait to meet the little scamp. It's kind of hard, too. I really don't want to be Uncle Jer Who Lives 3,000 Miles Away, I'd much rather just be Uncle Jer.

Whatever, I have no doubt that Erin and Greg will be superb parents. Hats off to my sweet sis for taking the leap.

Which brings me to "thirdly"...
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Thirdly, a couple of folks have asked me about what I meant in my 24 Hour Comic about Erin "taking the leap first" and... well, now you know. For awhile, I didn't have clearance to talk about the news on the blogger, but I'd be danged if I couldn't write a comic about how excited I am for the Burtofts.

Anyhow, click on the big, obnoxious link below if you're interested in my 24 Hour Comic Featurette, DVD-style. (I've included a FAQ about what 24 Hour Comics are, a "Making Of" feature, complete with photos, and (my personal favorite) an Audio Journal, recorded in quick blips as I lived out 24 Hour Comic Day (chuckle along as I nervously begin the comic... gasp in horror as I wither into nothing in the wee hours... fun for you and your little'uns!)



And thanks to Scott McCloud (cartoonist extraordinaire and inventor of the 24 Hour Comic) for doing wonders for my web traffic situation by linking to me on his own blog (the 05/11 entry). Appreciate it, Scott.