Nostalgia Bloggin'

Here's a post that's been lingering in my pre-publish box since December. I think I was annoyed that day and it's probably wise I didn't publish.

As a piece of nostalgia, though, here you go. Try to remember, though, I'm normally not this surly and, promise, I'm pretty easy to work with.

No, I am!

Annoying day at work and I might as well blog while I'm still annoyed. I won't get into specifics, but I'm going to start my New Year's Resolutions a little early. Or, at least, my profession-related ones. Here they are: Down with... "I think it's great, I just don't think the client will go for it." Bullshit. Say what you mean. If you think it's good, let's go for it. If you don't, just admit it. Don't pretend to like something and hide behind what you think the client would prefer. "Let's try a more corporate feel." In design, "corporate" is slang for "boring layout with overused stock photography". Really, there's nothing wrong with boring layouts or stock photos (particularly if they're great photos), but there's a misconception floating around that boring-with-equally-boring-stock-photos signifies a premium product. It really doesn't. Normally, it signifies a nervous CEO or Marketing Manager who wants to somehow generate excitement without standing out. You want boring? Let's end the charade and call it boring. "I know it's not great, but it's better than what they had before." Stop, please, just stop. Any moron monkey designer can take something and slightly improve upon it. If a client's conservatism is standing in the way of something innovative or eye-catching, that's one thing. But you're a professional and you should go in with something cool and dynamic. Don't reign yourself in, there are plenty of people waiting to do the reigning for you. If "better than what they had" is your aim, you're probably a lousy designer. "Yeah, it's a bad idea that will waste a lot of time and money, but the client suggested it and it's probably not worth it to argue the point with them." "Argue", no. But a lot of clients are a lot brighter than we give them credit for and they hired professionals to do their design/packaging/marketing for a reason. Coming up with a good marketing piece should be a dialogue, not a dictatorial mandate from either side. Quit the groveling for the client and the muttering later. If it's a lousy idea, say it! Politely, but say it! "Let's get rid of some of this dead space." IT'S NOT DEAD SPACE, IT'S NEGATIVE SPACE. The greatest ads of all time are minimalist. Filling up a layout with photos and text and shapes that don't need to be there looks retarded and cheap. Negative space needs to be designed. The clearer and more singular an image or message, the more powerful. Doofus. "Give us something bold and innovative." Hallelujah. Unfortunately, experience has told me that you'll probably like the idea of something bold and innovative right up to the moment I show you a design that fits that description. Suddenly, What Everybody Else Is Doing is going to start looking safe and cozy, but until that moment comes, I'm going to live in hope that you're that one client in a hundred that genuinely wants to start trends rather than follow them. For now, God bless ya. "It needs something to make it 'pop' a little more." Congratulations, you've just said nothing at all. "What about something a little more graphic?" Ibid. "Not bad, but it could use some lighting effects and maybe a lens flare." Could it use a gun? Because I'm buying one. "I'm not sure if it's industry-appropriate." You mean it doesn't look exactly like every one of your competitors? Here's a Marketing 101 book. Give it a once-over and we'll continue this conversation in the morning. "It's more of a dual-purpose ad." Whoops. It sucks. "Our target market is the larger, general audience." Cool, I love designing stuff for no one at all. "What about the people that don't have Flash installed?" Come here a minute while I beat you with this tennis shoe. "The purpose of the ad is to generate awareness." Then you really don't need me, you need a picture of your product and a Xerox machine. "We haven't done a timed read-through of the script, but it's probably pretty close to the target time. We'll figure it out at the recording session." Sounds like a plan, Scorscese. An expensive one, particularly in the long run, but a plan nonetheless. "The ad should communicate the idea that the product is both premium and value-priced." Believe it or not, most people smell a rat when they see the words "cheap" and "quality" next to each other. "We don't have time to do storyboards." Yikes. What about a script? Do we have time to put one of those together? "Unfortunately, this one's going to have to be quick turnaround, low budget." No prob, I'm sure our clients with bigger budgets and realistic timelines won't mind waiting. "Think iPod." You mean "think enormous profits by being original and innovative"? Or, wait, you mean "copy them". "There isn't a budget for photos, so we'll need to have you illustrate something." Because original illustration is pretty dime-a-dozen, unlike the gorgeous, unique, premium-feeling flower that is photography. Okay, so those started out as resolutions and ended up as a sarcastic rant. Welcome to marketing.