Introducing... Elizabeth?
Jeremy_Bear: Hello?
IM Friend: hey!
Jeremy_Bear: It's been way too long, ___.
IM Friend: waaay too long
IM Friend: the sushi was spectacular as usually
Jeremy_Bear: "As usually"?
IM Friend: i have to say it that way now after being in chiner - they always say it like that
Jeremy_Bear: Those Chiners!
IM Friend: i know!
IM Friend: awkward thing happened the other day
Jeremy_Bear: Uh oh. Go on.
IM Friend: well, i was hiking...this was a date - yes - i know - shocking - first one in over a year - hahaha
IM Friend: anyway, i found myself blabbering away at this kid about nothing
IM Friend: well, really it was all little somethings - but really nothing of real substance
IM Friend: i talked about how i came to not have cable, about my family's latest drama, about people in california
Jeremy_Bear: This "kid."
IM Friend: yeah, i think that's what i will call him - even though he's 6 years older than me
Jeremy_Bear: He's an idiot man-child. I get the picture.
IM Friend: idiot man-child?
Jeremy_Bear: An adult, but an emotional and intellectual child. Steinbeck-style.
IM Friend: he's not an idiot - he's nice. the awkward part was me - i was blabbering away talking waaaaay too much
Jeremy_Bear: Oh.
Jeremy_Bear: Well, it's understandable. The blabbering, I mean. Your first date in over a year.
IM Friend: i don't have a proper outlet for my stories
Jeremy_Bear: Mm.
IM Friend: so i found out nothing about this kid and he found out a lot about the things in my life - or at least what i think is funny.
Jeremy_Bear: That's polite of him.
Jeremy_Bear: So, what, you're worried he's going to take a hike now that you went motormouth on him?
IM Friend: no - i think he likes me - what's not to like?
IM Friend: i just didn't want to talk so much - i need to listen more
Jeremy_Bear: Come on, now.
IM Friend: i do have a lot to say
IM Friend: so jeremy - your blog - which is usually the awesomest read ever - is currently terrible
Jeremy_Bear: Currently, yes. We've already discussed this briefly in person. I'm the shame of the internets.
IM Friend: hahaha, so true. on more levels than one.
Jeremy_Bear: I feel a fool, ____. A damned... fool! I'm flatlining. My readership has dropped to near-nil. Where I used to enjoy record-breaking numbers... I'm now a joke! A crying clown!
Jeremy_Bear: Well, but hold on. Let me see if I understand this. You're loaded with things to say, but you end up exploding on intelligent man-children, which can be intimidating.
IM Friend: nice summary
Jeremy_Bear: That's a real problem.
Jeremy_Bear: Meanwhile, my blog sucks.
IM Friend: hahaha, it wouldn't if you'd put something up there - i mean really - this conversation would be better than nothing!
Jeremy_Bear: You know, it really would. As I see it, we're two people with problems, dear ____.
Jeremy_Bear: Listen, I love blogging. I really, really do but my schedule is 100% suck.
Jeremy_Bear: And when I do get a little time on my hands, I end up contributing to my comics blog (ObnoxiousBoners.com, kids!)
Jeremy_Bear: You know where I'm going?
IM Friend: i think i see a glimmer of the twinkle in your eye...
IM Friend: i could never blog...i'm too chicken
Jeremy_Bear: Oh, ____! Up yours! As if there were anyone on earth more born to blog than you!
IM Friend: i'd be afraid that someone would see and think it was silly
IM Friend: well, of course it would be silly, but in a good way
Jeremy_Bear: You're a blog waiting to happen.
IM Friend: ha! how so?
Jeremy_Bear: Listen, do you want to know my very first memory of you? You probably don't remember, do you?
Jeremy_Bear: The Harry Potter thing?
IM Friend: ?
Jeremy_Bear: Yeah, I thought so.
IM Friend: what?
Jeremy_Bear: Here it is...
Jeremy_Bear: I met you for the first time at ___ and ___'s house.
Jeremy_Bear: We were talking about short films and you exploded on the room with your "perfect idea for a hilarious short film."
Jeremy_Bear: Essentially, the plot, as you described it, centered around a group of people dressed as witches sitting in a living room. Someone dressed as Harry Potter shows up at the door. The witches turn and look at him. Roll credits.
Jeremy_Bear: I was flabbergasted! How could someone who thinks of films like this exist in the world?!
Jeremy_Bear: That night changed my life.
IM Friend: haaaaaaaaaaaaaa - i totally remember that - yes - i still FULLY agree that would be great!!
IM Friend: but you have it all wrong
Jeremy_Bear: I do?
IM Friend: the short would go like this:
IM Friend: a group of people dressed as the witches of harry potter are all watching harry potter.
IM Friend: all of the sudden the roommate walks in and without saying a word just look at him and then look back to the tv
IM Friend: hahaha, end scene
Jeremy_Bear: Yes, that was it. Sorry, that's far more sensible.
IM Friend: hahahaha! it's true- i have a lot of random things to say - but that is pretty funny that you still remember that from our first meeting.
Jeremy_Bear: How could anyone forget that? Okay, ____. That's it. This is foolish. Here's what I propose: for a month, you drive my blog.
Jeremy_Bear: You could be a guest host.
IM Friend: really? it would have to be anonymous...
IM Friend: i wouldn't want anyone to know that it was me. what if the kid read it?
Jeremy_Bear: Anonymity?
Jeremy_Bear: Surely people would figure it out.
IM Friend: how would people know it's me on your blog and not you?
Jeremy_Bear: Hah.
IM Friend: well, they'll know it's not you for sure
IM Friend: but won't they think it's an imposter?
Jeremy_Bear: I'd introduce you. Ladies and gentlemen, direct from the beaches of sunny Southern California, it's... well, wait. What am I supposed to call you?
IM Friend: elizabeth:-)
Jeremy_Bear: Okay, "Elizabeth".
IM Friend: nice - i like that intro
Jeremy_Bear: You could write about... gawd... you could write about anything!
IM Friend: the possibilities are endless!
IM Friend: this sounds pretty exciting
Jeremy_Bear: Yeah. Cooking tips, man troubles, the secrets to life, the universe and everything... it's why people come to JeremyBear.com
IM Friend: secrets to life - maybe i'll start there...
Jeremy_Bear: My site is stale. I need someone to bring the sexy back. Woo 'em! Titillate 'em!
IM Friend: you keep saying that word. i do not think it means what you think it means.
Jeremy_Bear: I think it means "old, dry and tasteless."
Jeremy_Bear: Wait, are we talking about "stale"?
IM Friend: (titillate)
Jeremy_Bear: Oh, right. It's true, I have no idea what it means. I saw it on TV once and thought I'd try it out. No good, huh?
IM Friend: no - i just really wanted to quote princess bride - the word works, especially in this context
Jeremy_Bear: So here's what I'll do. I'll set you up with editing permissions on my blog. From now until, I don't know, Thanksgiving, she's all yours.
IM Friend: all right jeremy - i think you have yourself a writer for a month. this is going to be fun!
IM Friend: so many people are going to read it and worlds will change
Jeremy_Bear: Who knows, maybe people will write in to assist you with your man woes.
IM Friend: haha - that would be great!
Jeremy_Bear: Here's your first piece of advice: lower your standards.
Jeremy_Bear: Carey did it and it worked out just fine.
IM Friend: k, i'm off to bed. i have so much to say - i wouldn't be surprised if i didn't have something ready by tomorrow!
Jeremy_Bear: If you're good, people will keep coming back. If you suck, people will be thrilled when I return. Either way, it's win-win!
IM Friend: :-)
Jeremy_Bear: It's all you, sister. I can't wait to see what you come up with.
IM Friend: this is big - but not too big. i like it!
Jeremy_Bear: Don't suck.
IM Friend: ha! I'm going to be great
Jeremy_Bear: An audience of tens is counting on you!
IM Friend: what's not to like?
Jeremy_Bear: I'll alert the internets.
IM Friend: i'll be ready
Jeremy_Bear: See you on my blog, then. Later.
IM Friend: night
IM Friend: hey!
Jeremy_Bear: It's been way too long, ___.
IM Friend: waaay too long
IM Friend: the sushi was spectacular as usually
Jeremy_Bear: "As usually"?
IM Friend: i have to say it that way now after being in chiner - they always say it like that
Jeremy_Bear: Those Chiners!
IM Friend: i know!
IM Friend: awkward thing happened the other day
Jeremy_Bear: Uh oh. Go on.
IM Friend: well, i was hiking...this was a date - yes - i know - shocking - first one in over a year - hahaha
IM Friend: anyway, i found myself blabbering away at this kid about nothing
IM Friend: well, really it was all little somethings - but really nothing of real substance
IM Friend: i talked about how i came to not have cable, about my family's latest drama, about people in california
Jeremy_Bear: This "kid."
IM Friend: yeah, i think that's what i will call him - even though he's 6 years older than me
Jeremy_Bear: He's an idiot man-child. I get the picture.
IM Friend: idiot man-child?
Jeremy_Bear: An adult, but an emotional and intellectual child. Steinbeck-style.
IM Friend: he's not an idiot - he's nice. the awkward part was me - i was blabbering away talking waaaaay too much
Jeremy_Bear: Oh.
Jeremy_Bear: Well, it's understandable. The blabbering, I mean. Your first date in over a year.
IM Friend: i don't have a proper outlet for my stories
Jeremy_Bear: Mm.
IM Friend: so i found out nothing about this kid and he found out a lot about the things in my life - or at least what i think is funny.
Jeremy_Bear: That's polite of him.
Jeremy_Bear: So, what, you're worried he's going to take a hike now that you went motormouth on him?
IM Friend: no - i think he likes me - what's not to like?
IM Friend: i just didn't want to talk so much - i need to listen more
Jeremy_Bear: Come on, now.
IM Friend: i do have a lot to say
IM Friend: so jeremy - your blog - which is usually the awesomest read ever - is currently terrible
Jeremy_Bear: Currently, yes. We've already discussed this briefly in person. I'm the shame of the internets.
IM Friend: hahaha, so true. on more levels than one.
Jeremy_Bear: I feel a fool, ____. A damned... fool! I'm flatlining. My readership has dropped to near-nil. Where I used to enjoy record-breaking numbers... I'm now a joke! A crying clown!
Jeremy_Bear: Well, but hold on. Let me see if I understand this. You're loaded with things to say, but you end up exploding on intelligent man-children, which can be intimidating.
IM Friend: nice summary
Jeremy_Bear: That's a real problem.
Jeremy_Bear: Meanwhile, my blog sucks.
IM Friend: hahaha, it wouldn't if you'd put something up there - i mean really - this conversation would be better than nothing!
Jeremy_Bear: You know, it really would. As I see it, we're two people with problems, dear ____.
Jeremy_Bear: Listen, I love blogging. I really, really do but my schedule is 100% suck.
Jeremy_Bear: And when I do get a little time on my hands, I end up contributing to my comics blog (ObnoxiousBoners.com, kids!)
Jeremy_Bear: You know where I'm going?
IM Friend: i think i see a glimmer of the twinkle in your eye...
IM Friend: i could never blog...i'm too chicken
Jeremy_Bear: Oh, ____! Up yours! As if there were anyone on earth more born to blog than you!
IM Friend: i'd be afraid that someone would see and think it was silly
IM Friend: well, of course it would be silly, but in a good way
Jeremy_Bear: You're a blog waiting to happen.
IM Friend: ha! how so?
Jeremy_Bear: Listen, do you want to know my very first memory of you? You probably don't remember, do you?
Jeremy_Bear: The Harry Potter thing?
IM Friend: ?
Jeremy_Bear: Yeah, I thought so.
IM Friend: what?
Jeremy_Bear: Here it is...
Jeremy_Bear: I met you for the first time at ___ and ___'s house.
Jeremy_Bear: We were talking about short films and you exploded on the room with your "perfect idea for a hilarious short film."
Jeremy_Bear: Essentially, the plot, as you described it, centered around a group of people dressed as witches sitting in a living room. Someone dressed as Harry Potter shows up at the door. The witches turn and look at him. Roll credits.
Jeremy_Bear: I was flabbergasted! How could someone who thinks of films like this exist in the world?!
Jeremy_Bear: That night changed my life.
IM Friend: haaaaaaaaaaaaaa - i totally remember that - yes - i still FULLY agree that would be great!!
IM Friend: but you have it all wrong
Jeremy_Bear: I do?
IM Friend: the short would go like this:
IM Friend: a group of people dressed as the witches of harry potter are all watching harry potter.
IM Friend: all of the sudden the roommate walks in and without saying a word just look at him and then look back to the tv
IM Friend: hahaha, end scene
Jeremy_Bear: Yes, that was it. Sorry, that's far more sensible.
IM Friend: hahahaha! it's true- i have a lot of random things to say - but that is pretty funny that you still remember that from our first meeting.
Jeremy_Bear: How could anyone forget that? Okay, ____. That's it. This is foolish. Here's what I propose: for a month, you drive my blog.
Jeremy_Bear: You could be a guest host.
IM Friend: really? it would have to be anonymous...
IM Friend: i wouldn't want anyone to know that it was me. what if the kid read it?
Jeremy_Bear: Anonymity?
Jeremy_Bear: Surely people would figure it out.
IM Friend: how would people know it's me on your blog and not you?
Jeremy_Bear: Hah.
IM Friend: well, they'll know it's not you for sure
IM Friend: but won't they think it's an imposter?
Jeremy_Bear: I'd introduce you. Ladies and gentlemen, direct from the beaches of sunny Southern California, it's... well, wait. What am I supposed to call you?
IM Friend: elizabeth:-)
Jeremy_Bear: Okay, "Elizabeth".
IM Friend: nice - i like that intro
Jeremy_Bear: You could write about... gawd... you could write about anything!
IM Friend: the possibilities are endless!
IM Friend: this sounds pretty exciting
Jeremy_Bear: Yeah. Cooking tips, man troubles, the secrets to life, the universe and everything... it's why people come to JeremyBear.com
IM Friend: secrets to life - maybe i'll start there...
Jeremy_Bear: My site is stale. I need someone to bring the sexy back. Woo 'em! Titillate 'em!
IM Friend: you keep saying that word. i do not think it means what you think it means.
Jeremy_Bear: I think it means "old, dry and tasteless."
Jeremy_Bear: Wait, are we talking about "stale"?
IM Friend: (titillate)
Jeremy_Bear: Oh, right. It's true, I have no idea what it means. I saw it on TV once and thought I'd try it out. No good, huh?
IM Friend: no - i just really wanted to quote princess bride - the word works, especially in this context
Jeremy_Bear: So here's what I'll do. I'll set you up with editing permissions on my blog. From now until, I don't know, Thanksgiving, she's all yours.
IM Friend: all right jeremy - i think you have yourself a writer for a month. this is going to be fun!
IM Friend: so many people are going to read it and worlds will change
Jeremy_Bear: Who knows, maybe people will write in to assist you with your man woes.
IM Friend: haha - that would be great!
Jeremy_Bear: Here's your first piece of advice: lower your standards.
Jeremy_Bear: Carey did it and it worked out just fine.
IM Friend: k, i'm off to bed. i have so much to say - i wouldn't be surprised if i didn't have something ready by tomorrow!
Jeremy_Bear: If you're good, people will keep coming back. If you suck, people will be thrilled when I return. Either way, it's win-win!
IM Friend: :-)
Jeremy_Bear: It's all you, sister. I can't wait to see what you come up with.
IM Friend: this is big - but not too big. i like it!
Jeremy_Bear: Don't suck.
IM Friend: ha! I'm going to be great
Jeremy_Bear: An audience of tens is counting on you!
IM Friend: what's not to like?
Jeremy_Bear: I'll alert the internets.
IM Friend: i'll be ready
Jeremy_Bear: See you on my blog, then. Later.
IM Friend: night
posted by Jeremy Bear at
11:45 PM
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