Welcome to the JeremyBear.com Mailbox!

Here's a little something new and special just for you, faithful one. At JeremyBear.com, we try to attend to the whimsy of our readers/viewers, so we'll periodically post fan mail (or even hate mail from time to time) and answer your questions as best we know how! Because you demanded it! Here we go!

Jon Schweitzer of Morrisville, NC writes:

...I'm taking a few courses at NCState so I can get my dang pedigree. It'll probably take a couple years, but I just want to get that thing over and done with. Get this, the two courses I'm taking are both online courses, and one of them is Golf. That's right, I'm taking an online Golf course through the University, and I don't know what the world is coming to...

...I incessantly check your blog -- it's an addiction on both ends. Know that if you misrepresent the words of Schwyzen, tragedy shall befall the theatre of your life...

Thanks, Jon, for the update. For those who don't know, Jon has been a dear friend since high-school and he even agreed to be my Best Man a couple years back. He and his wife, April, are pig farmers near Raleigh and Jon recently underwent a complicated plastic surgery procedure to have an unsightly, wine-colored birthmark removed from his right thigh. Although the abnormality was THE SPITTING IMAGE OF THE VIRGIN MARY, he decided that, all the same, he'd rather have done with it, much to the chagrin of several Catholics in his community. Get well soon, Jon!

Stuart Gilchrist of Pink Falls, TN writes:

...your dumb.
i tiped in this web adress and swa this stupid web site.
why do you think your so cool your not cool, your conceited.
nobodey cares about blogger and the scripts make no since.
thanks for makeing me laugh at your crapy art.......... it sux!!!!!
hahaha bye loser...

And goodbye to you, Stu! While your complaints were rather stringent, I have to confess I see your point. From here on out, I shall purpose to up the quality of the art and produce scripts that are more accessible to the layman. Thanks for the concern.

At JeremyBear.com, we strive to appeal to even the lowest common denominator. Apparently, we've failed dismally. Onward!

Cheryl Gunderson of Boise, ID writes:

...Love the website. Nothing turns me on like a talented guy with an online journal. Ever since I found your work through a search engine, you've been on my mind. Are you as cute in person as you sound? And when do you think you'll be in Boise next, stud-monkey? Let me know...

PS: What do you look like? Is it anything like the charicature on your homepage?

Ho, ho, ho! Easy there, chiquita! This hombre's married! I appreciate the compliments, but I only have eyes for one woman and that's my dear wife Carey.

Since you asked, however: I'm just shy of 6'1", blue eyes, bleached hair. My wardrobe is awkward and dated and my midsection is more than a little paunchy. I have what some might call an attempt at a beard. I have a nice "radio voice" and I've also been told that I have a "radio face." I guess you can't win them all.

Steven Spielberg of Bel Air, CA writes:

...Is this Jeremy Bear of Long Beach, California? Jeremy, while I'm sure your work may well be very stirring, I don't have any use for unsolicited screenplays. If you have an agent and he/she would like to arrange a meeting with a member of my production company's staff, he/she can do so care of:

Dreamworks, Skg
100 Universal City Plz
Universal City, CA 91608

I'd also like to point out that having pizzas delivered to my home with script samples taped to the inside of the pizza box is not only futile, but wholly inappropriate. And, we do have caller ID on our telephones... we know it's you and my wife is extremely unnerved by the frequent "hang-ups" and heavy breathing. For the last time: no, you may not babysit my children, no you may not "hang out" on the set, no you may not sleep on my lawn and NO you may NOT continue to rifle through our garbage. Enough is enough. I've contacted not only the police, but also a lawyer. This is your last warning.

Loud and clear, Steve! Thanks for the note! By the way, Minority Report was an absolute thrill ride! Keep up the fine work.

*****

Well, that's all the time we have for this edition of the JeremyBear.com mailbox. Keep those letters comin'.

posted by Jeremy Bear 11:04 PM

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Thursday, September 05, 2002

When I was 10 years old, my family picked up and moved from Ohio to Georgia. It was a mild culture shock. I remember being slightly tickled at the way Georgians handled snow. Anytime snow fell from the sky to the tune of even a 1/4 inch, the entire state was thrown into chaos and turmoil. Schools closed, banks closed, people would begin to cart canned goods down into their cellars and invested in kerosene generators. TV preachers prayed for mercy and protection from this white, powdery onslaught. Grocery stores would empty out their shelves within hours. Dads would don their long underwear and thick flannels, peep out the window, and announce, "yup. She's a blizzard all right." Blizzard? BLIZZARD?! I'm from Ohio, man, and that's no blizzard... that's barely a fart.

When I was 26, my wife and I moved to Long Beach, California. And today, in Los Angeles County, it began to rain. Not even rain, really... it drizzled. It's about time, too, because it hasn't rained since we moved in and I was beginning to wonder if the weather was completely out of whack or if we were experiencing some sort of drought. But, the fact is IT JUST DOESN'T RAIN HERE. Carey flipped on the local news to find the top story: "Rain in LA". People are losing it. It's pandemonium. It just doesn't happen around here. A woman complained on-camera, "I guess it's a nice change of pace, but, oh God, I want my dry weather back! I miss it!" Oy vey. Are you kidding me with this? It's rain, sister! Splash around a bit, you'll like it!
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Still keeping ourselves alive on the freelance tip. A few websites have blown my way and the odd print design job here and there. I ended up not taking the art director gig offered to me by Western Badge and Trophy, but I have to say that Luis Padilla and his crew are some of the warmest folks I've met and I'm looking forward to doing some digital design work for them on a freelance basis. They produce badges, magnets, and other oddments in the way of promotional materials for clients like Disney, Universal Studios, and on down the line and they manage to always get it right the first time. Best of luck, Luis, and thanks for your consideration.
...

Met a delightful bloke on Monday by the name of Josh Rous. Josh is a film student from South Africa who's produced a couple of shorts and it was great to talk film with him. He made the mistake of asking what my latest screenplay is about, however, and I ended up abusing his attention span to no end with the lurid details of my latest opus. I don't think he minded much, however, and he had some very interesting ideas of his own. While I haven't seen his work, his ethic was infectious and I imagine I'll go out of my way to check out his stuff. Cheers, Josh, here's hoping you hit it big. If you're ever strapped for a screenplay, you know who to call.
...

Sadly, I spoke too soon about our DVD repair problems being over and the machine seems to be fritzed for good. Same problems, but popping the hood and manually spinning the disc doesn't seem to cut the mustard anymore. I'll need to bring it in for repairs, alas. It's the little things, really, that really chap my rump.
...

That's it for now. I'm tired and I've more yet to do before I sleep.

posted by Jeremy Bear 11:41 PM

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Sunday, September 01, 2002

Back by popular demand! Blog it! BLOG IT!

It's been far too long since I've pushed out an update and for that I'm truly sorry. It's been difficult, of late, to find a spare moment to keep my dear journal in the know, but the time has not been ill-spent. I've been purposely neglecting to mention any specific job news, because, well... who knows who might be logging on... but, suffice it to say that the past week has been very encouraging on several levels, in terms of steady work and/or gainful employment. And that's for both Carey and myself. We're not out of the woods, but we've begun to notice the sun peeking through the branches.

And: (yet another reason for the delay in blogging) this is the first blog that I type from my brand new Dell. ***Alert... feel free to skip the rest of this paragraph. It's terribly boring and your opinion of me will no doubt be lessened by the end of it.*** 80 GB of memory, 512 MB of RAM, CD writer, USB ports... the whole 9. My big dillemma was in finding a way to transfer all my old files onto the new computer. Then, like Saul on Damascus Road, it struck me: take out the old hard drive and install it in the new computer as an auxilliary hard drive. Huzzah! This way, I can access any old file I want and have a little extra space besides. Brilliant. BRILLIANT! I can honestly say that this is easily the lovliest machine I've ever used, this fine little Dell. I should write them a nice thank you. (Or at least mail in my payments).

There's a long, frustrating, and somewhat comical story about how the computer was finally delivered... ending in a face-to-face confrontation with our abusive mail-carrier (who's name, by the by, is Darryl). Maybe I'll tell it one day if I'm ultra-bored or nostalgic. Needless to say, though, the file is still open on The Case of the Mangling Mailman.

So, last weekend Carey and I decided that we're sick to death of being destitute. Though we've little more than pennies to rub together, it'd been far too long since we'd gone out like real people and spent money we don't have (also like real people). "Right," we said, "screw it. It's been over 3 months since we've gone out to dinner and a movie. We're doing it. It's something that human beings do and, broke or not, we're human beings." We ended up going to a wonderful sushi place and had what I think we agreed was the best sushi either of us has ever sampled to date. It'd been far too long since I'd partaken, and... well, I can't recommend it enough (sadly, I can't recommend it at all because the name escapes me). Afterward, we bopped on over to the local cinema and saw the latest M. Night Shyamalan masterpiece, Signs. Excellent film. Highly recommended. Carey went so far as to put it up with her personal top 10. While I'm not sure that Shyamalan outdoes his other features with this one, it certainly shouldn't be missed.

Most importantly, though, I walked away remembering exactly what it was that I love about film. It's a wonderful thing when that happens. There's been a story rolling around in my head for... well, for about 4-1/2 years now. I decided it's time to write it down. It's a story that's been quietly asking to be told over and over, so I'm finally putting it out of its misery. So far, the working title is Lurid.

What if someone took away everything that's important to you?

What if someone took away everything you love?

What if someone left you with nothing?

What if you found yourself in a position
where you could do anything you wanted to this person
without fear of consequence?

What would you do?

Needless to say, I'm very excited. It should be an intriguing tale.

Let's see... what else. OH, yes. This weekend, Carey and I were visited by two terrific friends of ours from Columbus: Scott and Emily Sutton. Scott and I went to high school together, but we never managed to hit it off until about 9 months ago and in that time he and his wife have endeared themselves to us as some of the finest friends we've got. It was terribly hard to leave them when we moved out here and it was a fresh breath of familiar air when they arrived at our door yesterday afternoon and spent the day and evening with us (the Suttons are vacationing in San Diego and surrounding parts for their 1-year anniversary). Hhh... I do miss home.

It's a been a good week, really: new computer. Promising job prospects. Freelance opportunities still springing up. The birth of a new screenplay. A visit from the Suttons. Oh, and this afternoon I took it upon myself to fix our DVD player. (It hasn't been working for the past 2 months) It was easy, in fact: I just popped the top off and spun the disk around by hand a couple of times and now it seems to be right as rain (by the way, don't try this at home... I think I somehow got lucky). All in all, several issues have sort of been fixing themselves. The entropy pendullum appears to have started to swing the other way. I do hope it lasts.

posted by Jeremy Bear 11:07 PM

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