Nostalgia Bloggin'

Here's a post that's been lingering in my pre-publish box since December. I think I was annoyed that day and it's probably wise I didn't publish.

As a piece of nostalgia, though, here you go. Try to remember, though, I'm normally not this surly and, promise, I'm pretty easy to work with.

No, I am!

Annoying day at work and I might as well blog while I'm still annoyed. I won't get into specifics, but I'm going to start my New Year's Resolutions a little early. Or, at least, my profession-related ones. Here they are: Down with... "I think it's great, I just don't think the client will go for it." Bullshit. Say what you mean. If you think it's good, let's go for it. If you don't, just admit it. Don't pretend to like something and hide behind what you think the client would prefer. "Let's try a more corporate feel." In design, "corporate" is slang for "boring layout with overused stock photography". Really, there's nothing wrong with boring layouts or stock photos (particularly if they're great photos), but there's a misconception floating around that boring-with-equally-boring-stock-photos signifies a premium product. It really doesn't. Normally, it signifies a nervous CEO or Marketing Manager who wants to somehow generate excitement without standing out. You want boring? Let's end the charade and call it boring. "I know it's not great, but it's better than what they had before." Stop, please, just stop. Any moron monkey designer can take something and slightly improve upon it. If a client's conservatism is standing in the way of something innovative or eye-catching, that's one thing. But you're a professional and you should go in with something cool and dynamic. Don't reign yourself in, there are plenty of people waiting to do the reigning for you. If "better than what they had" is your aim, you're probably a lousy designer. "Yeah, it's a bad idea that will waste a lot of time and money, but the client suggested it and it's probably not worth it to argue the point with them." "Argue", no. But a lot of clients are a lot brighter than we give them credit for and they hired professionals to do their design/packaging/marketing for a reason. Coming up with a good marketing piece should be a dialogue, not a dictatorial mandate from either side. Quit the groveling for the client and the muttering later. If it's a lousy idea, say it! Politely, but say it! "Let's get rid of some of this dead space." IT'S NOT DEAD SPACE, IT'S NEGATIVE SPACE. The greatest ads of all time are minimalist. Filling up a layout with photos and text and shapes that don't need to be there looks retarded and cheap. Negative space needs to be designed. The clearer and more singular an image or message, the more powerful. Doofus. "Give us something bold and innovative." Hallelujah. Unfortunately, experience has told me that you'll probably like the idea of something bold and innovative right up to the moment I show you a design that fits that description. Suddenly, What Everybody Else Is Doing is going to start looking safe and cozy, but until that moment comes, I'm going to live in hope that you're that one client in a hundred that genuinely wants to start trends rather than follow them. For now, God bless ya. "It needs something to make it 'pop' a little more." Congratulations, you've just said nothing at all. "What about something a little more graphic?" Ibid. "Not bad, but it could use some lighting effects and maybe a lens flare." Could it use a gun? Because I'm buying one. "I'm not sure if it's industry-appropriate." You mean it doesn't look exactly like every one of your competitors? Here's a Marketing 101 book. Give it a once-over and we'll continue this conversation in the morning. "It's more of a dual-purpose ad." Whoops. It sucks. "Our target market is the larger, general audience." Cool, I love designing stuff for no one at all. "What about the people that don't have Flash installed?" Come here a minute while I beat you with this tennis shoe. "The purpose of the ad is to generate awareness." Then you really don't need me, you need a picture of your product and a Xerox machine. "We haven't done a timed read-through of the script, but it's probably pretty close to the target time. We'll figure it out at the recording session." Sounds like a plan, Scorscese. An expensive one, particularly in the long run, but a plan nonetheless. "The ad should communicate the idea that the product is both premium and value-priced." Believe it or not, most people smell a rat when they see the words "cheap" and "quality" next to each other. "We don't have time to do storyboards." Yikes. What about a script? Do we have time to put one of those together? "Unfortunately, this one's going to have to be quick turnaround, low budget." No prob, I'm sure our clients with bigger budgets and realistic timelines won't mind waiting. "Think iPod." You mean "think enormous profits by being original and innovative"? Or, wait, you mean "copy them". "There isn't a budget for photos, so we'll need to have you illustrate something." Because original illustration is pretty dime-a-dozen, unlike the gorgeous, unique, premium-feeling flower that is photography. Okay, so those started out as resolutions and ended up as a sarcastic rant. Welcome to marketing.

posted by Jeremy Bear 9:15 AM

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Sunday, April 16, 2006

Full of health? Then don't click!

Happy Easter/Tax Day +1.

I've said it before, but just to reiterate: rest assured that, the less activity you see on this blog, the more activity there is in my real life.

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My sisters and their wee ones are doing fine, according to all reports. It was about a year ago I learned that I'd soon be an uncle, and now I'm an uncle x2.

And I'd be remiss if I didn't point my meager audience to my sister and her husband's very own website: MartinFamilyKin.com. Bookmark like you mean it, laddies.



Parker is growing like a weed. Ellie too and I'm anxious to spend a little time with these kids. It's looking like late May/early June is our scheduled Big Trip to Northeast Ohio, so if you'd like to pencil us in, get in your request early.

Kidding. But seriously. Speak the hell up.

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After a couple of months of plotting, writing and revising, I've completed the first draft of my play, my first major scripting work in a couple of years. Truth be told, I've been gun-shy with writing anything major since the horribly disappointing "Nazarene" debacle of 2003, particularly anything Christian (for historians: puke and barf), so I was hesitant.

Anyhow, it took a squelched argument with Danny to inspire me to blow the dust off my copy of Final Draft and write something significant again. It's called Fourth Wall and it's very probably the most personal thing I've ever penned for the stage. It's weird, it's uncomfortable and it's about faith. And, since I've never particularly believed that certain questions are too big to be asked for fear of pissing off God, it begins where the Caribouyah discussion leaves off.

So, for a story involving pastors who eulogize with Beck lyrics, a hip-hop dancing Heavenly Host, cowboy widowers, venom-spewing latinas, fake hospitals, spinal cord injuries, cerebral hemorrhages and a peach candy-chomping Author of the Universe, be sure to get your ticket early.

That's assuming I work up the nerve to get it produced. We'll see.

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While I'm thinking of it, Charity has a blog.

If you don't know who Charity is, shame on you. I love Charity. Even more than that, I like her. Can't that be enough?

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Oh, and big ups to London, England's Tom Milson. Tom's a young filmmaker who's decided to turn my 24 Hour Comic, Jump, into a short film. Good luck, Tom!

See? You never know.

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Carey is Cosmetology Programmin' full steam ahead. If she were here, she'd remind me that it's not really a competition, but between you and me, she's beating all those other skeezers hands down.

Every day it's a new hair color chart or shears kit or a cellphone pic message demonstrating her latest opus. She in it to win it and I couldn't be prouder.

One of these days I'll even let her do my hair.

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Keep forgetting to link to this, but Jewett has his own column over at The Comics Review. Can you believe that guy? When exactly is he going to quit being one of the cool kids?

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Finally, Mom just won't quit speechifyin'. Fortunately, nobody told her that it's okay to re-use material, so she wrote an original one for last week's talk with a women's group affiliated with The Church in the Falls and posted it to her journal.

Go read.

(Oh, and it's old news by now, but here's an old story on her speech at Kent State, too.)

posted by Jeremy Bear 9:53 PM

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