Billion Dollar Idea

Here's what's so fantastic about the United States: a single, innovative idea can mean lifelong financial security. One day, someone fairly bright sat down and thought, "I'll bet pressurized steam could haul more cargo than any horse," or "screw candles, how about electrocuting a teeny bit of wire?" or "what if the information on every computer in the world could be shared... for free?"

Or, if your name happens to be Simon Cowell: "what would the World's Largest Talent Show look like if the winner walked home with $1 million and a record deal? I'll bet audiences might be interested if they were the ones voting on the outcome."

But, I don't know, hooray for Fantasia Barrino, the only American Idol contestant that didn't make me want to drive a rake into my face. You have to hand it to Fox (and Simon Cowell), though: they milked two whole hours out of the phrase "...and the winner is..." last night and, as I understand it, walked away with hundreds of millions in advertising dollars. Good $how, American Idol.

And it got me thinkin'. One Big Idea. That's really all it takes. One Billion Dollar Idea. Is there a thought in my head that's worth a billion? I kind of doubt it, but I'll work on it.

(I asked a coworker the same question and he said "absolutely! I've had this idea for awhile: what about really, really small potato chips, no bigger than quarters? Except they're square-shaped and their packaging has all this high-tech, circuit boardish, computer-looking, designy stuff on it. I'd call them Micro-Chips! People would buy them like crazy because they'll think it's healthier to eat a smaller potato chip! It can't miss!"

"Jeez, Chad," I told him, "that's actually pretty good.")
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So, I have a Solitaire game on my cellphone. It must be a particularly hard version of Solitaire because I've only managed to beat it twice.

As a bit of a bonus, the game rewards the winner by promptly cutting off all power to the phone.

("You've Won!"

* FZZT *)
...


I've been keeping this blog for nearly two years and, frankly, no one is more amazed than I am that I've managed to hang with it. I'm not exactly famous for sticking to many of my long-term creative endeavors, but for some reason I've persevered.

Yeah, it's geeky and more than a little narcissistic, but publishing my life's minutiae into the ether has been one of the most gratifying experiences of my life. Sad, I guess, but it's terribly satisfying to know that I've kept at it and that people are reading from time to time.

So, thanks. It makes me really happy to know that you care enough to tune in.

By the way, odd as it may sound, I have lost a good bit of sleep over this thing over the past couple of years. I think some, family in particular, are under the impression that I give little thought to who I'm embarrassing or offending or how much character and integrity I demonstrate to the world. The fact is, many (most probably) of the people I love and respect live thousands of miles away and this little journal is my primary communication with them.

When I was first starting out with this lil' Blogger, I can remember being a little nervous about which 'me' I should portray. I soon realized that I simply wouldn't have the stamina to continue pumping out entries unless I committed myself to baring everything, warts and all. From family news to career hurdles to metaphysical meanderings to comic book recommendations, I decided to be painfully, annoyingly authentic. I'm not a joyful person. I'm not an angry person. I'm a joyful, angry, excited, scared, eager, confident, insecure, shallow, thoughtful, rude, empathetic, sorrowful, elated person. And I think that's the person I portray.

Speaking frankly here, I am embarrassed and ashamed of some of the content. Even with an audience as meager as mine, I've been asked to remove certain entries or, at the very least, edit them. In some cases I've done it, but not usually. I know how obnoxious I sound and I know that swearing can be vile and offensive. For what it's worth, I do a bit of self-censoring. But I just don't have any interest in keeping my thoughts or experiences rated G. And anyway, I've expressed some of my self-censoring concerns to other, less conservative friends who've said, "I dunno, dude. You're pretty tame. I wouldn't sweat it." So who's to say?

Okay, enough with all that. Cripes, what a load of self-serving tripe! At last count, I've typed roughly 120,000 words into this cursed thing. Nearly 170 entries. Who'd have thought I'd have this much to jabber about?

posted by Jeremy Bear 10:56 AM

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Wednesday, May 26, 2004

Happy! Birthday! Pat!

For some reason, I end up devoting a lot of ink here on JeremyBear.com to everyone's favorite father's wife, Pat Bear. But today's a beeg, beeg day for her, Señor... for today, bless her, Pat is 50 years old.

50.

Oh, you read that right.

Today Pat takes a look back, sitcom-montage-nostalgia-style, and recounts the many life lessons that have taken her to where she is today. The laughter, the tears, the peaks and troughs. Who can forget the Mishap with Pat's First Car? Or the ever-madcap Pat's Senior Prom? Remember when Pat was convinced that she had an identical twin brother in Jersey? Or the hilarity that ensued when Pat was stuck in an elevator with Julio Iglesias?

Don't miss out on a single, heart-warming moment in the ongoing saga of this inconceivably outrageous woman. Pick up the phone and wish her a happy Golden Anniversary today and receive, in return, a friendship that will last a lifetime! Operators are standing by.

Happy 50th, Pat! Here's hoping for another 50, God help you!

posted by Jeremy Bear 1:24 PM

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Tuesday, May 25, 2004

How to Blow Your Cash on Popular Media

We've been going wild with DVD Impulse Purchases lately. Several months back, we bought an entertainment center at IKEA and, seeing as how our DVD collection was beginning to get a bit unwieldly, we bought a huge lot of storage containers exclusively for them. ("Do we really need this many, Care? We don't have nearly enough DVDs to begin to fill these things."

"We have a lot. It'll be full in no time."

"Maybe by the time DVD technology is out of date. Sheesh.")

Anyhow, they're full. So onto Plan B.

A friend of mine recently alerted me to the fact that the price of going to out to the movies on a Friday night (adding in a drink and a bit of popcorn) is roughly the price of a DVD. For that reason, he and his wife have decided to forego movies in theaters and wait for the DVD release. When I asked him how he could buy a movie, sight-unseen, he said, essentially, "it makes about as much sense as buying a movie ticket sight-unseen. Besides, if we like it we can watch it again and if we don't we can either give it away or sell it."

Behold the birth of the DVD Impulse Purchase.

The rules of the DVD Impulse Purchase are as follows:
- You cannot have seen the material in question before buying the DVD. Seeing "The Sound of Music" in the store and saying "ooh, I loved that movie. I'm just going to buy it right now!" might be an impulsive purchase... but it isn't an Impulse Purchase.
- Your spouse is obligated to be supportive of the Impulse Purchase.
- An Impulse Purchase is not a waste of money. You may hate the DVD after you've seen it, but part of what you're buying is the experience of not knowing what it is you've invested in. It's a warped form of excitement, particularly if you lead a boring life.
- Impulse Purchases can, to a certain extent, be planned. (i.e. "let's not rent that movie tonight. It would make for a much better Impulse Purchase.")

As for the DVDs themselves, here are a few recent gems we've bought on Impulse...

The Office (series 1 and 2) - mentioned this in a previous post, but this was the King of Impulse Purchases. A terrific show with one of the best series finales I've ever seen. Good stuff.

The Fog of War - a Carey suggestion. It's an Oscar-winning documentary on Robert McNamara (U.S Secretary of Defense during the Cuban Missile Crisis and the first half of the Vietnam War). Astonishing insights. A very very important film that asks "so what have we learned?" and I truly believe every American should see it.

The Work of Directors Spike Jonze, Chris Cunningham, & Michel Gondry - it's only recently that I've paid serious attention to the art and craft of music videos. Both Jonze and Gondry have done some brilliant feature film work, but it's here that they truly innovate. Some incredible art-for-art's-sake and I loved every minute of each. Amazingly cool.

Curb Your Enthusiasm: The First Season - We've only watched the first three episodes, so we're still formulating our opinions. So far, it's hit-or-miss. It's an HBO sit-com from the co-creator of Seinfeld that's certainly very funny, but we'll have to see if it can live up to its reputation.

I'm sure there are others coming, but maybe it's time to heed the principals of frugality.

Then again, it's DVD. I mean come on.

posted by Jeremy Bear 9:39 AM

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