Well, Merry Christmas to all. I've decided to celebrate this most joyous of days by Blogging. Yeah, I know, I've been awfully lax about it. My apologies. First of all, let me get some business out of the way...
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*** CONTEST! * CONTEST! * CONTEST! ***
*** WINNERS! * WINNERS! * WINNERS! ***

Much thanks to everyone who entered... hhh... okay, I cannot lie: the contest turnout was DISMAL to say the least. I think I may have had a total of 5 entries, which was a bit depressing. One nervy bastard even had the cheek to PHONE IN HIS GUESS rather than email it. Huh! Well! Anyhow...

The first person to accurately guess the identity of the mystery graphic... Randy Bear of Hartville, OH. That's right, it was my dad who correctly identified my sister Lauren's engagement ring through the haze. Congratulations, Pop. We're all very proud.

And the most creative entry goes to... Dave Pacheco of Winona Lake, IN. Dave not only had the wit to come up with "It's what a fly sees when he/she looks at a marble", he also had the honor of being the only person to bother coming up with a creative entry. *Sigh*. Well, thanks Dave and Dad. Your prizes are on the way, as soon as I figure out what to give you.

Now, to be fair, Lauren was tremendously embarrassed that such a shoddy pic of her new ring was posted here for all of cyberspace to gawk at. After all, it is her big day, her big beau, and her big ring. Sorry, Lauren. But, the Blog comes first. However, to make up for my pig-headed-ness, here is a much nicer pic of the ring in question. Isn't she just the luckiest little gal ever? It's a beaut, Laur. Try not to wear it in the shower.

Also, Lauren's fiancee, who's name is Steve Martin, has decided to ask me if I'd be an official wedding party flunkie. Of course, I accepted. Actually, wait, I haven't accepted yet. Crap, I've got to do that. At any rate, if you're reading this, Steve Martin... yes, I'll be a wedding party flunkie. Very kind of you to ask, Steve Martin. (The wedding of Lauren and Steve Martin is in August, by the way. She'll be marrying Steve Martin at the Chapel in Akron and the whole family is thrilled for her and Steve Martin. Sadly, it's difficult to get to know Steve Martin, what with my living on the other side of the country, but I'm sure there'll be ample opportunity as the months and years pass to enjoy the company of Steve Martin. Lauren will be taking on Steve Martin's last name, making her "Lauren Martin." Her husband, however, will keep his name: Steve Martin.)
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The latest script is still Dave's. Yes, I'm lazy.
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Carey and I have received many wonderful Christmas cards and Christmas updates from family and friends. MAN you people are on the ball! It usually occurs to me to send out Christmas cards around December 21st or so each year. I always have grand plans for a fully illustrated card or a Flash-animated e-card from the wife and I... but, I can never manage to get on the stick. Next year, really, we'll do it.

We've been thouroughly enjoying the year-end updates that a few have sent us. Whoever first came up with the idea of attaching a "catch-up with me and the job/family" letter with their Christmas cards deserves a healthy raise, by my estimation. What a great idea. In particular, I really liked the update provided in the Christmas card from my Aunt, Uncle and Cousins, the Wolfe family. They not only gave us the scoop on the family and what's going on, they included articles about the Christmas season and a fun list of Christmas traditions they enjoy. It was such an interesting read that I decided to compile my own list, especially for the holidays...

Bear Family Christmas Traditions from My Childhood
by Jeremy Bear

- Watching our old How the Grinch Stole Christmas video cassette, taped off the TV in 1986, which fails to edit out commercials and begins 3-1/2 minutes into the show.

- Turkey sandwiches leftover from Thanksgiving for Christmas lunch.

- Hiding feces in Grandmother's stocking.

- Thrashing the Jewish kids at school for their chocolate Channukah coins.

- Arranging and rearranging the nativity set under the Christmas tree to accomodate baby Jesus on the roof of the stable, the shepherds battling Joseph kung-fu-style, and the wise men riding into town on cows.

- Picking Grandpa up after his getting drunk on egg nog, falling asleep on the way home, and somehow waking up, disoriented, in Shaker Heights.

- Crank calling the Salvation Army

- Spending lots and lots of money on crap for the sake of tradition and appearances.

- Getting around to taking the tree down right before Valentine's Day.
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Okay, so The Onion I ain't. It seemed funnier in concept than in execution. Sheesh.
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Christmas Eve was a very strange day. It's my contention that Christmas Eve is the most "Christmassy" day of the year, even more so than December 25th. Because, see, it's on Christmas Eve that the whole Christmas season comes to a terrifying head. The final parties. Last minute shopping. Last minute wrapping and decorating. Last chance to rethink Dad's cologne or the wife's Holiday Gift Basket from The Body Shop. Last day of insane traffic at the mall (and don't try to tell me that the week after Christmas counts, because it doesn't. The post-Christmas season is a whole other season altogether).

Anyhow, Carey and I had some last-minute shopping to do, so we made the near-fatal mistake of journeying down to Costa Mesa and throwing ourselves into the whirlwind of Orange County's South Coast Plaza.

***Interuption***
Crap, I'm a little concerned. I can hear gunshots outside. It's 2:30 in the morning on Christmas and I can hear gunshots. What on earth. Sorry, back to the regularly scheduled Blog.
***End Interuption***

Anyhow, don't be deceived, the South Coast Plaza isn't some little row of pet stores and Fashion Bugs. No, this thing covers at least 4 city blocks and is easily the most massive mall-village I've ever seen. Being Christmas Eve, these people were out for blood, too. We got in and out of there as quickly as possible, barely escaping with our skins intact.

We then joined a few of our friends later on in the evening for a Christmas Eve service at Long Beach Grace Brethren Church. It was nice enough, I suppose. I tend to get hung up on little things like the song leaders not knowing the words to what we were all singing, but no harm done. (However, I must say this... if you ever find yourself in a position where you need to suggest Christmas carols for large groups of untrained singers... ex. a church congregation... please do us all a favor and steer clear of the classic "O Holy Night". While a beautiful song, it's simply beyond the abilities of 99% of the carol-singing poplulace. Thank you.)

After that, we went out for a very special Christmas Eve dinner with Kelly Larned and his roommate, Steve Groff. It's a Larned family tradtion to eat Chinese food on Christmas Eve, so, since Kelly isn't able to be with his family this Christmas, we were more than happy to oblige. Chen's Chinese Palace. Actually, it was delicious.

We headed back to the Bear crib to hang out for awhile and it wasn't long before Carey and Steve discovered that they not only grew up in the same town in Pennsylvania, but they also went to the same church and were even playmates as toddlers. It was one of those astronomical coincidences that would probably creep you out if you thought about it for too long.

Since (as has already been established) I'm a lazy git, I journeyed back out to my car to grab some gifts out of the trunk that I'd yet to giftwrap. This was at around 11PM. I know, I know, setting brand new standards in procrastination. Anyhow, on my way across the street, I was propositioned by a real-live prostitute. It was very exciting! I'd never had this experience before, and here, on Chistmas Eve 2002, finally hit up by a hooker. Well, the novelty faded quickly enough for me to inform her, "thanks anyway, but I'm married. Have a Merry Christmas, though." She shook her head and frowned. "Married, huh? I guess all the good ones are taken." Apparently, I'm a 'good one.' Who knew?

Anyhow, that was Christmas Eve 2002. It's time for me to go to bed, now that the gifts are wrapped, the tree is lit, and I've Blogged everything I meant to Blog.

So, Happy Holidays. If you think of it, be sure to take a minute to give thanks to the combined powers of Capitalism and Consumerism... the true Reasons for the Season.

Oh, and also don't forget the Jesus thing. Because you know.

posted by Jeremy Bear 2:54 AM

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